Well today most certainly has been an odd day.
My husband and I had our nap, though for some strange reason, when I woke up I was totally disorientated and didn't know where the hell I was, it was awful.
Well, it seems to have done him some good though because he took me out for a walk and held my hand like nothing was wrong and visited a pub on the way back.
We sat outside because its been pleasant today and while I sipped on my lemonade, I noticed something slightly different about my yeti... 'tis a good thing though.
We discussed it, naturally, because we discuss everything, we're that type of couple, and after today, he's done thinking about it, dwelling on it and shall instead look to the future and the joys it will bring us in a months time, and how that should be our focus.
Not to dwell on the thoughts of those we have lost, but to consider the people who will come into our lives in the future.
I can't agree more with that train of thought, though while we do look to the future, we should never forget those we have lost, we should use them and what they did in their lives and how they changed our lives to inspire us, drive us to do the same for those who will come into our lives.
Maybe only then will the world become a world worth living in.
Thursday, 18 March 2010
tee-hee
Right, while I'm waiting for my husband to finish in the shower (could be a while, takes him 10 minutes to wash his hair as it is) I thought I'd have a quick update, and something less depressing than funeral talk.
Anydoodle, I was feeding my pet fish. One of them, Pinky went to eat his flake of fish food and missed. Thinking nothing of it he tried again and missed. He started to get angry and lunged at the food missing completely.
This has totally made my day because the other five seemed to be watching him, and Pinky isn't quite all there as it is... my fish are awesome
Anydoodle, I was feeding my pet fish. One of them, Pinky went to eat his flake of fish food and missed. Thinking nothing of it he tried again and missed. He started to get angry and lunged at the food missing completely.
This has totally made my day because the other five seemed to be watching him, and Pinky isn't quite all there as it is... my fish are awesome
...
Just got back from a funeral for my husbands great aunt Bessie.
It's been so long since I've attended a funeral, but everything is how I remember one, its depressingly grey and dull, even with it being fairly bright and sunny outside and the atmosphere is unnerving as nobody knows quite what to say to one another, especially when its a family that doesn't see each other too often, that just seemed to make things worse as if you don't know each other, you're seriously skating on thin ice each time you open your mouth... as for me, I'm practically an outsider so I just kept my mouth shut for the most part.
But the week leading up to the funeral hasn't been kind either, not to my husband at least, we never saw his aunt Bessie too often, but she was one of his favorite relatives and her passing really shook him up and he's tried to shrug it off because he's got to be strong because he's the man of the house.
Though that didn't stop him from having a total emotional breakdown on me on the Tuesday night just gone, he's a soft sod at heart, not really afraid to show his sensitive side, but it was the first time I'd ever seen him really cry (there was one other time, but that was more from total fear of dying, but its unrelated to this entry so I'll leave it out)
I tried to be a good wife and comfort him, but it wasn't really to much avail, after he'd regained his composure, he clammed up again and went to work on one of his guitars... his way of coping I guess, find something to take your mind of the situation.
It's really quite odd though, because I'm normally the one to cry at such occasions, but I didn't, not until he did anyway... maybe I was trying to be strong for him... I dunno.
Either way, before we went to bed, he broke down again, but this time I managed to convince him to let it all out, and he did, I think it was good he did... and as wrong as it sounds, I'm glad he's not afraid to cry in front of me, English men are known for being "tough guys", and I don't doubt that for a second, its in their blood to fight and be as remorseless about it as possible, so to witness such a monumental thing is, to me at least, an honour.
What followed whilst we were trying to sleep were the words "Essie, You're the most important thing in the world to me, without you in my life, I wouldn't have a life worth living for"
Totally random I know, but also totally sweet for him to say such a thing after the events that have been unfolding over the last week.
As for the funeral, his demenour there was quite scary, stood bolt upright the entire time with a look of constant anger and frustration on his face, almost like a machine... the only thing that gave him away was when he squeezed my hand, which brought back memories of my mothers funeral all them years ago.
We never stayed for the wake however, he's admittedly not too fond of his extended family so we left and went home instead.
Right now, as I finish typing this and as he calmly strokes my tummy, we're both emotionally drained and I think a good two/three hours sleep for the both of us would be best, so I'll end it here.
R.I.P Aunt Bessie
Blessed Be
It's been so long since I've attended a funeral, but everything is how I remember one, its depressingly grey and dull, even with it being fairly bright and sunny outside and the atmosphere is unnerving as nobody knows quite what to say to one another, especially when its a family that doesn't see each other too often, that just seemed to make things worse as if you don't know each other, you're seriously skating on thin ice each time you open your mouth... as for me, I'm practically an outsider so I just kept my mouth shut for the most part.
But the week leading up to the funeral hasn't been kind either, not to my husband at least, we never saw his aunt Bessie too often, but she was one of his favorite relatives and her passing really shook him up and he's tried to shrug it off because he's got to be strong because he's the man of the house.
Though that didn't stop him from having a total emotional breakdown on me on the Tuesday night just gone, he's a soft sod at heart, not really afraid to show his sensitive side, but it was the first time I'd ever seen him really cry (there was one other time, but that was more from total fear of dying, but its unrelated to this entry so I'll leave it out)
I tried to be a good wife and comfort him, but it wasn't really to much avail, after he'd regained his composure, he clammed up again and went to work on one of his guitars... his way of coping I guess, find something to take your mind of the situation.
It's really quite odd though, because I'm normally the one to cry at such occasions, but I didn't, not until he did anyway... maybe I was trying to be strong for him... I dunno.
Either way, before we went to bed, he broke down again, but this time I managed to convince him to let it all out, and he did, I think it was good he did... and as wrong as it sounds, I'm glad he's not afraid to cry in front of me, English men are known for being "tough guys", and I don't doubt that for a second, its in their blood to fight and be as remorseless about it as possible, so to witness such a monumental thing is, to me at least, an honour.
What followed whilst we were trying to sleep were the words "Essie, You're the most important thing in the world to me, without you in my life, I wouldn't have a life worth living for"
Totally random I know, but also totally sweet for him to say such a thing after the events that have been unfolding over the last week.
As for the funeral, his demenour there was quite scary, stood bolt upright the entire time with a look of constant anger and frustration on his face, almost like a machine... the only thing that gave him away was when he squeezed my hand, which brought back memories of my mothers funeral all them years ago.
We never stayed for the wake however, he's admittedly not too fond of his extended family so we left and went home instead.
Right now, as I finish typing this and as he calmly strokes my tummy, we're both emotionally drained and I think a good two/three hours sleep for the both of us would be best, so I'll end it here.
R.I.P Aunt Bessie
Blessed Be
Thursday, 11 March 2010
My lovely yeti
When I'm down he always manages to read my mind and send me nice things, it's awesome. Can't wait to just smush him ^.^
The sexy bastard <3
The sexy bastard <3
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Sunday, 7 March 2010
Weird assed dream
I just can't seem to get it out of my head and it plays over and over again, it really is quite baffling.
I'm standing in a hospital, waiting at the reception for somebody to come and attend to me and the place is eerily empty save for the odd nurse that walks through the waiting room and through some large grey double doors.
Suddenly the lights above my head begin to flicker and in that split second the room is in blackness, the black shadowy figure of a girl I know all too well as someone who has haunted a previous recurring nightmare, and several others is visable and vanishes the very moment the light comes on.
I know her as the ghost of my unborn daughter Rielle who now only has one month to wait before being born.
I know that all that doesn't make much sense, but this girl who must only be around 5 years of age with long raven black hair has only started appearing in my dreams since I became pregnant.
Anyway, the image of this girl scares the hell out of me so I run and push myself through the double doors into a long corridor, I keep running until I emerge into another waiting room at the other end, and this room is bustling with patients and doctors etc.
I feel safe for the moment, then the lights flicker again and then the power in the hospital dies.
As the emergency generators kick in and the emergency lighting activates, I see the shadowy ghost appear in the half light, I can't see her face but I know she's angry and suddenly papers begin to fly off desks, sparks of blue electricity emit from nowhere, the receptionist is hurled over her station and into the middle of the waiting room and a doctor is thrown into a re-enforced window.
I quickly run behind the reception desk, grabbing the phone as I duck and hide behind it... I lift up the reciever and hold it to my ear, but don't know who to ring and as I am thinking a doctor kneels beside me and tells me something, I can't remember what he said, but instantly, after he did I stood up to face the ghost.
I look at her and she is no longor shadowy, she dusts down a mud covered black dress and looks at me, her skin is pale and as pure as winter snow and her eyes are a dazzling sea blue.
With her long black hair tucked back behind her ears she just stares at me until I hear her say "mummy" and thats it, thats all she says, and only once before picking a teddy bear up off the ground and walks off down the hallway, carrying it like Christopher Robin did with his Pooh bear.
Also, for some odd reason, I can also remember a large green plant in the corner behind the reception desk... I'm not sure as to why that stands out to me, but it does.
I'm standing in a hospital, waiting at the reception for somebody to come and attend to me and the place is eerily empty save for the odd nurse that walks through the waiting room and through some large grey double doors.
Suddenly the lights above my head begin to flicker and in that split second the room is in blackness, the black shadowy figure of a girl I know all too well as someone who has haunted a previous recurring nightmare, and several others is visable and vanishes the very moment the light comes on.
I know her as the ghost of my unborn daughter Rielle who now only has one month to wait before being born.
I know that all that doesn't make much sense, but this girl who must only be around 5 years of age with long raven black hair has only started appearing in my dreams since I became pregnant.
Anyway, the image of this girl scares the hell out of me so I run and push myself through the double doors into a long corridor, I keep running until I emerge into another waiting room at the other end, and this room is bustling with patients and doctors etc.
I feel safe for the moment, then the lights flicker again and then the power in the hospital dies.
As the emergency generators kick in and the emergency lighting activates, I see the shadowy ghost appear in the half light, I can't see her face but I know she's angry and suddenly papers begin to fly off desks, sparks of blue electricity emit from nowhere, the receptionist is hurled over her station and into the middle of the waiting room and a doctor is thrown into a re-enforced window.
I quickly run behind the reception desk, grabbing the phone as I duck and hide behind it... I lift up the reciever and hold it to my ear, but don't know who to ring and as I am thinking a doctor kneels beside me and tells me something, I can't remember what he said, but instantly, after he did I stood up to face the ghost.
I look at her and she is no longor shadowy, she dusts down a mud covered black dress and looks at me, her skin is pale and as pure as winter snow and her eyes are a dazzling sea blue.
With her long black hair tucked back behind her ears she just stares at me until I hear her say "mummy" and thats it, thats all she says, and only once before picking a teddy bear up off the ground and walks off down the hallway, carrying it like Christopher Robin did with his Pooh bear.
Also, for some odd reason, I can also remember a large green plant in the corner behind the reception desk... I'm not sure as to why that stands out to me, but it does.
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