There have been numerous zombie based games, but none of them ever seem to get it right. Some come close, but aren't quite perfect.
Here, in my opinion is how it should be done.
*It should start after shit has seriously hit the fan.
Taking a cue from Resident Evil 3 and Dead Nation, this game should start after the crisis has fully taken hold. Maybe a month in or so. Supplies are dangerously low and you need to either get out of the city or die trying.
This way, you can have the mindless hoards numbering in their thousands waiting for your tasty flesh and it will feel natural, not forced.
* The game should be dark.
This is a must, I'm not talking DOOM3 dark, more Silent Hill 2 dark, to the point where it's really difficult to see what's what. After all, all the power in the city will be down.
Lighting should be restricted to that of fires, a trusty lighter and a flashlight that will need batteries, but the flashlight should be used sparingly as batteries will be hard to find and zombies will be attracted to the light.
*The environment should be interactive
This is a must. In a zombie apocalypse, you'd do anything to survive. Use fire extinguishers, shopping trolleys, hammers, whatever.
*Zombies should be scary as hell.
Firstly, intelligence. Now I'm not talking Romero style intelligence. We all know that a game full of Bubs wouldn't be all that fun.
But they should be able to react to light and sound (like in The Walking Dead). They should try door handles, and if you lock yourself in a room, they should try and think of another way to get you.
Secondly, they should be absolutely relentless, no matter what you do to them they should still keep coming. Grab a shopping trolley and use it to take a zombies legs out from underneath it and it will still come for you.
Set it on fire... Doesn't matter, Mister Z likes the heat and he's still coming to munch on your ass!
Also, when it comes to melee, they should be tough fuckers, not easy to gank like in the Dead Rising series and in all honesty, melee combat should be a last resort.
They should also be unpredictable, breaking through doors and windows when you don't expect them, crawling out through floor vents etc. You should be kept on your toes at all times.
Finally, these zombies should come in hoards, without a doubt. Dead Rising has proved it can be done, so it should be. Barricade yourself in a room and you may have a shuffler wandering about, but mainly... Groups, so melee isn't really an option.
*Ammo should be hard to find.
The thing I hate most about zombie games is how plentiful ammo is. Even games like Resident Evil where it's supposed to be scarce, you end up stashing loads in your magic items chest.
No. It should be rare, like leprechaun pot of gold rare, and when you do find ammunition, it won't be in boxes of 15. Find a gun, search it, maybe get one bullet. Save it, be sparing.
*The only enemies should be zombies or crazed survivalists.
I hate it when games like Resident Evil bring in the mutations, or super zombies or whatever. Yes, there should be different types with different skills, but they shouldn't be easily classed.
As for survivalists, well, some people will go batshit crazy and try to kill you for whatever reason, for whatever little ammo you have, or to be a lure for the zombies... But running into others should be rare and randomised each playthrough.
*Stealth focused gameplay
A definite must! The zombies are attracted to light and sound and it's dark. There numbers vary, you can't see and you're on the menu.
To get around, you need to be silent as hell. You need to be a damn ninja! Watch your footing, knock something over, you might be heard, if a zombie and his dinner guests come to investigate, crawl under a car to hide, or a van even and try and get out the other side if you don't like waiting.
I feel that the gameplay side should be a mixture of first person, to put you in the characters shoes, with third person stealthing. Much like Deus Ex: Human Revolution.
*The environments should be all urban.
A given really, but it should always offer a different challenge in terms of zombies. A street may contain hundreds of zombies, where as if you decide to cut through an apartment block, there may be around 30 but the atmosphere will be claustrophobic and using a flashlight could get you deaded.
But there should also be multiple routes, don't like the look of that street? go down a back alley, up a fire escape, through a building, downstairs and out through a window on the other side. But it shouldn't be totally open.
Streets will be blocked off by pileups, windows boarded etc. Just to add tension, and the weather will be random. (It will always be night time, but it may rain, or get foggy etc, which may or may not work to your advantage)
*You're human. Act like it!
Another thing I don't like about zombie games is how overpowered you are. In this game, you get bit once. Game over, re-load the save and try again. Yeah, you can take a beating but you can't survive what everyone else seems to have died from. The bite!
Also, when it comes to gunplay, I feel the character should have naff aim which progressively gets better, just to add a bit more fear to the game.
Speaking of fear, that should make an impact.
Imagine it, you're in hallway, there are no zombies around except the one in font of you. You decide to risk the others hearing the blast and draw your gun, your hands shake as you try to steady your aim. You do it, clear headshot. BANG! You got it, but you hear something below you in the stairwell, you look over the side and see a group of the buggers coming after you, you have to run.
Also. A really cool feature would be the ability to turn your gun on yourself if you get bit and aren't mauled by a pack. You can keep playing, depending on the bite depends on how long you have left see how far you can get, but it's a death sentence, so you can end it and blow your brains out.
*It should be strictly a single player game!
This isn't because I have a large dislike for multiplayer, but because I feel that when you add other people to a game that is supposed to be scary, it takes away the fear factor. Plus, it gives developers more time to work on the game rather than a cheap co-op gimmick.
*Music
There should be none. I love epic soundtracks, but I feel it would detract from the experience.
During my first playthrough of Resident Evil 3, I remember being on edge because all I could hear were the sounds of Jills footsteps echoing on the cold desolate street as she passed a crackling fire whilst a vicious September wind howled past her. In the distance the air was filled with the empty groans of the risen dead, the odd gunshot and maybe a scream or two.
*DO NOT give the game a crap title!
Dead Rising, House of the Dead, Left 4 Dead, Dead Nation, Dead Island, Call of the Dead, Dead Ops, (yeah, I went there).
They're just so cliché. Give it something that will grip people and make them think "Hey, that sounds cool", like Resident Evil.
That's all I have for now, but if I think of something, I'll add it in.
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Friday, 28 October 2011
FT post moving
All Faerie-Tale related posts will be removed from this page and brought HERE instead.
This is more just for my own convenience more than anything, but if you're a FT fan, that's where you want to be.
This is more just for my own convenience more than anything, but if you're a FT fan, that's where you want to be.
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Taking a break
I've got a lot going on at the moment so I won't be updating this page for a while, when things calm down, then I'll resume my weekly updates.
Unlike my other pages though, I'll still update this one when I can.
Unlike my other pages though, I'll still update this one when I can.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Awesome novel writing tips
Over the last few years, I've been working on a book (which most of you who read this will know), I have friends and family who have read my work and have been interested in maybe doing a bit of writing of their own. Now, I'm no expert, but I've picked up a few tips along the way and I'm going to write them here
1.) Write a one-sentence summary. Try summarising your novel in one sentence.
Imagine you're writing the blurb on the book jacket. If you're not sure how to describe it in one sentence, your ideas might not be focused enough yet.
2.) Know what you write. Creative writing teachers always say to "Write what you know," to take advantage of your personal experience.
That's a good strategy, but if you really want to write about something outside your own culture and experience, then you have to do your homework. Research it, imagine every detail until you know it like your own living room.
3.) Make your readers care. The easiest way to make your novel matter to your readers? The secret isn't to write about "important" themes such as war or death. The news of someone's death doesn't matter to most people unless it's someone they know. So the secret is to create characters that feel to your readers like real people that they know. Then put your main character in a situation where he has a lot at stake.
He might lose his job; he has met the love of his life and has to win her; he might or might not get that sports car he's always dreamed of. The situation doesn't have to be "important" in an objective way. But it has to be important to the character.
4.) Don't include everything you know. The more information you know about your characters and the setting of your novel, the more real you can make these for your reader.
But your reader does not want to read a complete biographical profile of every character or census report on the town where the novel takes place.
If you keep all this information in your head, you will be able to use the right details at the right moment. And the reader will have a sense of a reality that goes on beyond the edges of the page.
5.) Create the scene. Some information is better summarized. Does your character, Jane, come from a long line of doctors?
It's probably okay to say this in a sentence, instead of following each one of them day-by-day through medical school (unless that's supposed to be the subject of your novel). But if your novel is about Jane's marital problems, and Jane finally decides to confess to her husband about her affair, your reader wants to see and hear that confrontation.
Don't just mention that Jane makes a confession. Show the reader what she says. Show what her husband answers. Show their body language. Show their daughter walking in on the fight. Show the orange juice stain on the wall after Jane throws her glass across the room.
6.) Don't push your characters around. At every moment, ask yourself, "What would this character do?" "What would happen next?" And be true to the answers.
If your character is someone who go to bed and cry quietly after a fight, don't have her scream and smash things instead just because your plot outline requires it. Don't force things to happen because you want your novel to go in a specific direction.
If you do, your readers will notice the difference. Hemingway said that every writer needed a b.s. detector. Make sure that yours is working overtime.
So you have a rebellious character who doesn't want to take a certain path? In this situation, you have two options. Either fire that character and rewrite your novel with a new one, or choose a different path for your novel.
1.) Write a one-sentence summary. Try summarising your novel in one sentence.
Imagine you're writing the blurb on the book jacket. If you're not sure how to describe it in one sentence, your ideas might not be focused enough yet.
2.) Know what you write. Creative writing teachers always say to "Write what you know," to take advantage of your personal experience.
That's a good strategy, but if you really want to write about something outside your own culture and experience, then you have to do your homework. Research it, imagine every detail until you know it like your own living room.
3.) Make your readers care. The easiest way to make your novel matter to your readers? The secret isn't to write about "important" themes such as war or death. The news of someone's death doesn't matter to most people unless it's someone they know. So the secret is to create characters that feel to your readers like real people that they know. Then put your main character in a situation where he has a lot at stake.
He might lose his job; he has met the love of his life and has to win her; he might or might not get that sports car he's always dreamed of. The situation doesn't have to be "important" in an objective way. But it has to be important to the character.
4.) Don't include everything you know. The more information you know about your characters and the setting of your novel, the more real you can make these for your reader.
But your reader does not want to read a complete biographical profile of every character or census report on the town where the novel takes place.
If you keep all this information in your head, you will be able to use the right details at the right moment. And the reader will have a sense of a reality that goes on beyond the edges of the page.
5.) Create the scene. Some information is better summarized. Does your character, Jane, come from a long line of doctors?
It's probably okay to say this in a sentence, instead of following each one of them day-by-day through medical school (unless that's supposed to be the subject of your novel). But if your novel is about Jane's marital problems, and Jane finally decides to confess to her husband about her affair, your reader wants to see and hear that confrontation.
Don't just mention that Jane makes a confession. Show the reader what she says. Show what her husband answers. Show their body language. Show their daughter walking in on the fight. Show the orange juice stain on the wall after Jane throws her glass across the room.
6.) Don't push your characters around. At every moment, ask yourself, "What would this character do?" "What would happen next?" And be true to the answers.
If your character is someone who go to bed and cry quietly after a fight, don't have her scream and smash things instead just because your plot outline requires it. Don't force things to happen because you want your novel to go in a specific direction.
If you do, your readers will notice the difference. Hemingway said that every writer needed a b.s. detector. Make sure that yours is working overtime.
So you have a rebellious character who doesn't want to take a certain path? In this situation, you have two options. Either fire that character and rewrite your novel with a new one, or choose a different path for your novel.
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
I need my head correcting
Been watching a lot of TV lately... And everyone seems to be having babies or having a baby and every time I see one or a pregnant lady, I want another one!
It's not like I can currently have one, not for about 3 months, but still... The ideas there.
My husband thinks I'm crazy though and like him, I do want to wait until Rielle is a bit older... The ideas there.
Apparently, it's something a lot of women go through in life, but once they've had a child the urge can be overwhelming... I didn't ever think it would be this overwhelming.
Still. As long as I don't see babies on TV or whatever, I'm ok... I think that's a licence to play my PS3 more. Only babies I can think of in a game, besides the whiny shits in Heavy Rain and The Sims are the demon babies you have to tear to shreds in Dante's Inferno.
GAME ON!
It's not like I can currently have one, not for about 3 months, but still... The ideas there.
My husband thinks I'm crazy though and like him, I do want to wait until Rielle is a bit older... The ideas there.
Apparently, it's something a lot of women go through in life, but once they've had a child the urge can be overwhelming... I didn't ever think it would be this overwhelming.
Still. As long as I don't see babies on TV or whatever, I'm ok... I think that's a licence to play my PS3 more. Only babies I can think of in a game, besides the whiny shits in Heavy Rain and The Sims are the demon babies you have to tear to shreds in Dante's Inferno.
GAME ON!
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Evolution of the English Language
Last week I wrote an entry about pop culture destroying literature and I got to thinking about the unappreciated and beautiful language the classics were written in. This got me thinking; why did the English language have to evolve?
I did some research on the topic, beginning with the Anglo-Saxons.
The Anglo-Saxons’ language was already a blend of dialects from West Germanic tribes. Add some dialects from the Norse, Frisian and the Dutch and you start to see the English language form. Now skipping all the history lessons of basically everyone invading England and leaving their make on the English language, you begin to form what is now known as Old English.
This is where it begins to get tricky and hard to follow, so stick with me while I try to explain the old English to modern English transition.
From what I can tell Old English pronounced P, b, t, d, m, n, l, and r as we do today but rarely use letters like k, q, v, x, and z, then you have non-modern letters like thorn (þ) and eth (ð).
In the period between 1150 and 1475, there were three major dialects of Middle English; Northern (Northumberland), Midlands (Mercia) and Southern (Wessex).
From what I can work out, Modern English was like a major merger between the three dialects.
This began the basics of what we call the Modern English language.
One of the biggest reasons behind the evolution of language is pronunciation. Words were pronounced vastly different in a lot of cases to their modern pronunciation.
Over the years it continued to evolve with influences from Latin, Greek, French, etc. Later on during conflicts with the French, the English dropped the letter u in words ending –our.
Though the English picked this practice back up later, the Americans never did (this is why Americans can't spell).
The 19th Century is where I would have liked the evolution of the English language to stop, but unfortunately it continues.
Now the English language has come to a point of dropping letters for ‘IM English’. I hope this won't be the next evolution in English, but it looks like it is moving that way.
I am not sure how spelling will survive txt spk.
Despite a national pronunciation in the US promoted by the media, regional dialects persist.
I am fascinated by the way English is spoken elsewhere. In India, for example. Somehow language evolves and no one can stop it.
But it is interesting to see how the U.S. want to be different to the rest of the world and spell words like colour differently, or using alternate spelling at times like tidbit/titbit. Also removing words like fortnight.
Small tidbit: In Old English, Y was pronounced like TH, thus Ye Olde Inn was pronounced like The Old Inn. Though it did depended on it's context. When used in a sentence such as ‘Hear ye, hear ye’ it was pronounced with a ‘y’.
The reason for the incorrect spelling of ‘the’ originally was because the character used for ‘th’ was ‘þ’. Medieval presses did not use that character and substituted it with ‘y’
I'm a total geek, I love that stuff.
I did some research on the topic, beginning with the Anglo-Saxons.
The Anglo-Saxons’ language was already a blend of dialects from West Germanic tribes. Add some dialects from the Norse, Frisian and the Dutch and you start to see the English language form. Now skipping all the history lessons of basically everyone invading England and leaving their make on the English language, you begin to form what is now known as Old English.
This is where it begins to get tricky and hard to follow, so stick with me while I try to explain the old English to modern English transition.
From what I can tell Old English pronounced P, b, t, d, m, n, l, and r as we do today but rarely use letters like k, q, v, x, and z, then you have non-modern letters like thorn (þ) and eth (ð).
In the period between 1150 and 1475, there were three major dialects of Middle English; Northern (Northumberland), Midlands (Mercia) and Southern (Wessex).
From what I can work out, Modern English was like a major merger between the three dialects.
This began the basics of what we call the Modern English language.
One of the biggest reasons behind the evolution of language is pronunciation. Words were pronounced vastly different in a lot of cases to their modern pronunciation.
Over the years it continued to evolve with influences from Latin, Greek, French, etc. Later on during conflicts with the French, the English dropped the letter u in words ending –our.
Though the English picked this practice back up later, the Americans never did (this is why Americans can't spell).
The 19th Century is where I would have liked the evolution of the English language to stop, but unfortunately it continues.
Now the English language has come to a point of dropping letters for ‘IM English’. I hope this won't be the next evolution in English, but it looks like it is moving that way.
I am not sure how spelling will survive txt spk.
Despite a national pronunciation in the US promoted by the media, regional dialects persist.
I am fascinated by the way English is spoken elsewhere. In India, for example. Somehow language evolves and no one can stop it.
But it is interesting to see how the U.S. want to be different to the rest of the world and spell words like colour differently, or using alternate spelling at times like tidbit/titbit. Also removing words like fortnight.
Small tidbit: In Old English, Y was pronounced like TH, thus Ye Olde Inn was pronounced like The Old Inn. Though it did depended on it's context. When used in a sentence such as ‘Hear ye, hear ye’ it was pronounced with a ‘y’.
The reason for the incorrect spelling of ‘the’ originally was because the character used for ‘th’ was ‘þ’. Medieval presses did not use that character and substituted it with ‘y’
I'm a total geek, I love that stuff.
Sunday, 2 October 2011
Did pop culture destroy literature?
Isn't it interesting that in pop culture, we think we know icons like Dracula, Frankenstein, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
We know their basic story but until we read the books that made these characters famous, and then we realise that we have missed so much of the concepts and story.
Frankenstein is referenced in countless movies but is most commonly associated with the monster, not the doctor.
It's just a tale of a monster terrorising the villages and until you read the book you don't understand it at all. I remember reading Frankenstein for the first time and discovering this isn't a book about a monster. This is a book about society and how we judge and treat people.
When it comes to Dracula, we all know the story of the Vampire, Count Dracula from Transylvania, but we don't have a clue on just how interestingly the book was written.
I went into the book thinking I was going to be reading a novel, but I discovered a series of letters, diary entries and ship logs that told this story in such an unsuspecting way.
Now unfortunately pop culture has ruined the plot of The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde but it has left out a lot of the interesting concepts.
The book explores the idea of separating the Good from the Evil in the doctor, who was trying to explore the evil inside of himself and still live with his conscience clear. Or maybe it's a story about living life with split personalities.
There are so many interpretations, but all in all its a book about the duality of human nature. Pop Culture just tells a story of a doctor discovering this potion by accident.
The interesting thing is that no one really knows where Mr Hyde goes all those nights and what he does.
This has lead to many of conversations through the ages trying to work out what Mr Hyde was up to; Some say it's a metaphor for Homosexuality but I believe it's open for personal interpretation.
So the reader can make his/her own discovery on their evil side.
The real tragedy to me is people don't appreciate the sheer beauty of the written word in these classics.
They hear the word “Classic” and treat it like it's some infectious disease.
Even a really faithful adaptation of a book still loses a great deal by being condensed down to fit into a 2-hour (or shorter) time frame on screen.
We know their basic story but until we read the books that made these characters famous, and then we realise that we have missed so much of the concepts and story.
Frankenstein is referenced in countless movies but is most commonly associated with the monster, not the doctor.
It's just a tale of a monster terrorising the villages and until you read the book you don't understand it at all. I remember reading Frankenstein for the first time and discovering this isn't a book about a monster. This is a book about society and how we judge and treat people.
When it comes to Dracula, we all know the story of the Vampire, Count Dracula from Transylvania, but we don't have a clue on just how interestingly the book was written.
I went into the book thinking I was going to be reading a novel, but I discovered a series of letters, diary entries and ship logs that told this story in such an unsuspecting way.
Now unfortunately pop culture has ruined the plot of The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde but it has left out a lot of the interesting concepts.
The book explores the idea of separating the Good from the Evil in the doctor, who was trying to explore the evil inside of himself and still live with his conscience clear. Or maybe it's a story about living life with split personalities.
There are so many interpretations, but all in all its a book about the duality of human nature. Pop Culture just tells a story of a doctor discovering this potion by accident.
The interesting thing is that no one really knows where Mr Hyde goes all those nights and what he does.
This has lead to many of conversations through the ages trying to work out what Mr Hyde was up to; Some say it's a metaphor for Homosexuality but I believe it's open for personal interpretation.
So the reader can make his/her own discovery on their evil side.
The real tragedy to me is people don't appreciate the sheer beauty of the written word in these classics.
They hear the word “Classic” and treat it like it's some infectious disease.
Even a really faithful adaptation of a book still loses a great deal by being condensed down to fit into a 2-hour (or shorter) time frame on screen.
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Annoyed.
Yes I am.
Here's why. As you know, I'm a business owner, I own my own beauty salon. We've actually won awards for excellent customer service and outstanding hygiene etc. Even been nominated for local business of the year.
Now, I'm proud of my salon, and props to my two sisters for helping me kick-start it.
What's pissing me off, is that the other day (Friday), I get some government bitch complaining to me, at my house, because I haven't employed any migrant workers or ethnics.
Fuck off lady. I AM a fucking immigrant myself! Wanna see my bastard birth certificate? or my documentation for when I moved here... Or hell, even one of my passports or citizenship papers! Don't play the bigot card with me woman!
Then, I had to point out to her, that it's not my job to hire people, I just own the place. The management side is up to Melonie.
But she pissed and moaned saying that we as a business were being racist... So I went down to the salon, pulled out the records for C.V's (resume's), application letters and interview notes.
The reason my staff is British (Because I do have an Irish girl working for me) is because I staff who are competent in their jobs and fit the criteria in terms of personality. Polite, friendly, presentable AND TO POSSESS GOOD ENGLISH SKILLS.
In a beauty salon, the last thing you want to see as a customer is someone who looks like they slept in a field doing your nails.
Also, my clientèle like to have a natter, can't have a chat with someone who doesn't understand a damn word
And I've read through the C.V's, yeah, the nail bar doesn't require anything in the way of quals... Just a quick 2 week basic course that I do pay for (£250 per person as well I might add) but even with Kari's departure we're fully staffed with Nikki, Kayla and Lucy and Bex manning the boutique/tanning booths.
But hair and the dermabrasion... I need someone trained for that and Melonie feels we don't need an apprentice stylist. Though it is something to consider. And as I was saying, I read through the C.V's with this woman and not one of the rejected foreign applicants had the skills necessary for the job! Plus I think a few were illegals anyway. If Kamilla can get the job with homeland security as an immigration officer, I'm going to have her look into a few people because we do get some shifty fuckers applying. I've wanted to phone immigration before because some people have failed to provide proper documentation, but I also don't want to be done for slander/time wasting and as a small business, running back-ground checks isn't at all profitable.
After 3 whole hours of setting this bitch straight, she apologised and left. 3 fucking hours of my life wasted because some bitch we rejected claims we as a business were being un-fucking-fair!
Ok yeah, so contrary to what I said above about her playing the "bigot card", I am a bit bigoted... But who isn't? I just feel that some people, because they're immigrants feel they are owed everything and anything. And they're not. Myself and Melonie have the right as managers to refuse employment to whoever if we don't feel they are right for their job. Just because you're from Serbia or whatever doesn't mean you're instantly entitled to come and take money out of my bank account every week... Like you don't already rob me blind through the government with taxes as it is.
Fuckers, the lot of them.
Here's why. As you know, I'm a business owner, I own my own beauty salon. We've actually won awards for excellent customer service and outstanding hygiene etc. Even been nominated for local business of the year.
Now, I'm proud of my salon, and props to my two sisters for helping me kick-start it.
What's pissing me off, is that the other day (Friday), I get some government bitch complaining to me, at my house, because I haven't employed any migrant workers or ethnics.
Fuck off lady. I AM a fucking immigrant myself! Wanna see my bastard birth certificate? or my documentation for when I moved here... Or hell, even one of my passports or citizenship papers! Don't play the bigot card with me woman!
Then, I had to point out to her, that it's not my job to hire people, I just own the place. The management side is up to Melonie.
But she pissed and moaned saying that we as a business were being racist... So I went down to the salon, pulled out the records for C.V's (resume's), application letters and interview notes.
The reason my staff is British (Because I do have an Irish girl working for me) is because I staff who are competent in their jobs and fit the criteria in terms of personality. Polite, friendly, presentable AND TO POSSESS GOOD ENGLISH SKILLS.
In a beauty salon, the last thing you want to see as a customer is someone who looks like they slept in a field doing your nails.
Also, my clientèle like to have a natter, can't have a chat with someone who doesn't understand a damn word
And I've read through the C.V's, yeah, the nail bar doesn't require anything in the way of quals... Just a quick 2 week basic course that I do pay for (£250 per person as well I might add) but even with Kari's departure we're fully staffed with Nikki, Kayla and Lucy and Bex manning the boutique/tanning booths.
But hair and the dermabrasion... I need someone trained for that and Melonie feels we don't need an apprentice stylist. Though it is something to consider. And as I was saying, I read through the C.V's with this woman and not one of the rejected foreign applicants had the skills necessary for the job! Plus I think a few were illegals anyway. If Kamilla can get the job with homeland security as an immigration officer, I'm going to have her look into a few people because we do get some shifty fuckers applying. I've wanted to phone immigration before because some people have failed to provide proper documentation, but I also don't want to be done for slander/time wasting and as a small business, running back-ground checks isn't at all profitable.
After 3 whole hours of setting this bitch straight, she apologised and left. 3 fucking hours of my life wasted because some bitch we rejected claims we as a business were being un-fucking-fair!
Ok yeah, so contrary to what I said above about her playing the "bigot card", I am a bit bigoted... But who isn't? I just feel that some people, because they're immigrants feel they are owed everything and anything. And they're not. Myself and Melonie have the right as managers to refuse employment to whoever if we don't feel they are right for their job. Just because you're from Serbia or whatever doesn't mean you're instantly entitled to come and take money out of my bank account every week... Like you don't already rob me blind through the government with taxes as it is.
Fuckers, the lot of them.
Sunday, 18 September 2011
My dear Rielle
First of all. Lady J, for when you get round to reading this, the links to the new blogs.
http://broken-cantbefixed.blogspot.com/?zx=78db410c0097d09e
http://elloria.blogspot.com/
http://lettersofthewasteland.blogspot.com/
Right. Now for this weeks update. And I must admit, this is seriously last minute since I've been preparing the two new blog projects, so I'm going to talk about the most important thing in my life.
Yes that's right, I'm going to talk about my daughter, Rielle. She's almost 18 months old and I can't believe how quickly she's growing up.
It doesn't seem two minutes since I brought her home from the hospital. Nature is an amazing thing!
I've had a look back at some of my previous posts on here and I can't believe how scared I was of being a bad mother... I wasn't scared of being a bad parent per se, but of failing my daughter. I guess a lot of women think that way with their first child.
But I can remember on the very first night she was at home, I was feeding her at about 2am and I thought "How can I fail her? How can I be a bad parent? How can anyone be a bad parent?"
From the very first moment I met her, I loved her. I cannot describe to you just how I felt... But on that night, as I sat there... The love radiated between mother and daughter and I thought about all those children who don't have the parents they deserve. Children who get beaten, abused and neglected. I can't fathom how a parent could do that to their child.
I thought about that and I cried my eyes out. Though I'll admit, some were tears of relief because I knew that my husband and I will always be there for Rielle. No matter what! And on top of that she also has her aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, godmother and her dog. She'll never be alone, there will always be someone there for her, and I am truly thankful for that.
Rielle and Nikita are inseparable! They are the best of friends. Sure, Rielle has her cousins Sabrina and Pagan and her friend Amelia... And she loves playing with them, they get along great.
But aside from her bond with her proud mum & dad, no bond is greater in Ri's life than that between her and her pet dog.
Nikita is brilliant, she's the present I've ever got Rielle. From the day I brought her home as a pup, Rielle loved her, they played together, napped together and helped each other. It's because of Nikita that Rielle can walk. Yeah, I'd like to take credit for it, for the one who encouraged her and kept her motivated, but I'll be honest and tell you it was Nikita.
When Rielle teetered, she'd grab onto Nikita for stability, on a few occasions, when she fell onto her bot-bot, Nikita helped push her up. Diamonds are not my girls best friend... Her dog is and should I or Damo, for whatever extreme reason, fail to protect Rielle (And believe me, we'd die protecting her) then Nikita will be her last and greatest line of defence.
And as well as walking, she's talking. It shocked me at how early she learnt this stuff. I don't know why but I was always under the impression that children learnt to talk at about 18 months old... Rielle was 11 months when she started with her first words, now she's stringing along basic sentences.
Though, thinking about it, that's not at all really surprising. Since before she was born my husband and I have been talking to her, reading to her and whatnot. Her favourite show is Sesame street (I can't stand it, never could when I was a kid, can't now) but it seems to be a useful learning tool and it is, in my opinion working. It must, it's been going since 1969.
When I was little/growing up I always had my sisters to contend with and watched shit (Awesome shit) like Thundercats and Transformers. Also back in the late 80's we didn't have the type of T.V we have now. There are whole channels dedicated towards babies and toddlers and helping them to develop mentally as well as being fun. I think that's a great thing. It gives my child the head start I never really got (aside from my brilliant mother, but with two other children to look after, her attention was naturally and understandably divided) She did the best she could and I love her for it. Because I (in my opinion) turned out to be an intelligent, women, loving wife and devoted mother.
I'm certain that if there is some form of afterlife, that my mother is as proud of me as I am of Rielle. And that's damn proud!
And speaking of intelligence. I don't mean to brag... But my daughter is fucking smart!
I mean, she's 17 months old and she knows how to work my laptop. Not properly mind, but she knows how to flick the screen up. Turn on the power and find MS Paint (Because she loves drawing)
I have a mouse which is tiny,it's designed for laptops (incase you're using it on the go so it packs away easily) and it's perfect for Rielle. I have everything on single click so she can access things easily. Like I said, she knows how to access Paint, she knows to click the left button, she knows how to select colours.
Some people may be reading this thinking "psh" (because some people are dickheads) but in my opinion, for a 17 month old, that's quite an accomplishment.
And like any child her age, she's inquisitive. Into everything. But I've noticed she likes to tinker, basing my comparisons on my sister Jessica. This is... Different to me (I know all kiddos are different). Jessica liked to touch and feel and become acquainted with her world. Rielle likes to open things and see how things work. She likes to be shown things and try it herself.
Her dads great with this type of thing too as he's by profession a builder. Put a load of crap in front of him and he can make something creative with it. If something is broken 90% of the time he'll be able to open it up, see how everything works and fix it.
Rielle seems to have picked up this talent.
I'm unfortunately (for me) going to have to end this post here because I love my daughter and I'm damn proud of her and I could honestly talk about her all day. BUT I can't. Simply because I actually have to take care of her, I can't sit here all day talking about her. I have a responsibility to her and like I said earlier, I won't let her down and I'll always be there for her.
There isn't anything I wouldn't sacrifice for her, just to see her smile.
http://broken-cantbefixed.blogspot.com/?zx=78db410c0097d09e
http://elloria.blogspot.com/
http://lettersofthewasteland.blogspot.com/
Right. Now for this weeks update. And I must admit, this is seriously last minute since I've been preparing the two new blog projects, so I'm going to talk about the most important thing in my life.
Yes that's right, I'm going to talk about my daughter, Rielle. She's almost 18 months old and I can't believe how quickly she's growing up.
It doesn't seem two minutes since I brought her home from the hospital. Nature is an amazing thing!
I've had a look back at some of my previous posts on here and I can't believe how scared I was of being a bad mother... I wasn't scared of being a bad parent per se, but of failing my daughter. I guess a lot of women think that way with their first child.
But I can remember on the very first night she was at home, I was feeding her at about 2am and I thought "How can I fail her? How can I be a bad parent? How can anyone be a bad parent?"
From the very first moment I met her, I loved her. I cannot describe to you just how I felt... But on that night, as I sat there... The love radiated between mother and daughter and I thought about all those children who don't have the parents they deserve. Children who get beaten, abused and neglected. I can't fathom how a parent could do that to their child.
I thought about that and I cried my eyes out. Though I'll admit, some were tears of relief because I knew that my husband and I will always be there for Rielle. No matter what! And on top of that she also has her aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, godmother and her dog. She'll never be alone, there will always be someone there for her, and I am truly thankful for that.
Rielle and Nikita are inseparable! They are the best of friends. Sure, Rielle has her cousins Sabrina and Pagan and her friend Amelia... And she loves playing with them, they get along great.
But aside from her bond with her proud mum & dad, no bond is greater in Ri's life than that between her and her pet dog.
Nikita is brilliant, she's the present I've ever got Rielle. From the day I brought her home as a pup, Rielle loved her, they played together, napped together and helped each other. It's because of Nikita that Rielle can walk. Yeah, I'd like to take credit for it, for the one who encouraged her and kept her motivated, but I'll be honest and tell you it was Nikita.
When Rielle teetered, she'd grab onto Nikita for stability, on a few occasions, when she fell onto her bot-bot, Nikita helped push her up. Diamonds are not my girls best friend... Her dog is and should I or Damo, for whatever extreme reason, fail to protect Rielle (And believe me, we'd die protecting her) then Nikita will be her last and greatest line of defence.
And as well as walking, she's talking. It shocked me at how early she learnt this stuff. I don't know why but I was always under the impression that children learnt to talk at about 18 months old... Rielle was 11 months when she started with her first words, now she's stringing along basic sentences.
Though, thinking about it, that's not at all really surprising. Since before she was born my husband and I have been talking to her, reading to her and whatnot. Her favourite show is Sesame street (I can't stand it, never could when I was a kid, can't now) but it seems to be a useful learning tool and it is, in my opinion working. It must, it's been going since 1969.
When I was little/growing up I always had my sisters to contend with and watched shit (Awesome shit) like Thundercats and Transformers. Also back in the late 80's we didn't have the type of T.V we have now. There are whole channels dedicated towards babies and toddlers and helping them to develop mentally as well as being fun. I think that's a great thing. It gives my child the head start I never really got (aside from my brilliant mother, but with two other children to look after, her attention was naturally and understandably divided) She did the best she could and I love her for it. Because I (in my opinion) turned out to be an intelligent, women, loving wife and devoted mother.
I'm certain that if there is some form of afterlife, that my mother is as proud of me as I am of Rielle. And that's damn proud!
And speaking of intelligence. I don't mean to brag... But my daughter is fucking smart!
I mean, she's 17 months old and she knows how to work my laptop. Not properly mind, but she knows how to flick the screen up. Turn on the power and find MS Paint (Because she loves drawing)
I have a mouse which is tiny,it's designed for laptops (incase you're using it on the go so it packs away easily) and it's perfect for Rielle. I have everything on single click so she can access things easily. Like I said, she knows how to access Paint, she knows to click the left button, she knows how to select colours.
Some people may be reading this thinking "psh" (because some people are dickheads) but in my opinion, for a 17 month old, that's quite an accomplishment.
And like any child her age, she's inquisitive. Into everything. But I've noticed she likes to tinker, basing my comparisons on my sister Jessica. This is... Different to me (I know all kiddos are different). Jessica liked to touch and feel and become acquainted with her world. Rielle likes to open things and see how things work. She likes to be shown things and try it herself.
Her dads great with this type of thing too as he's by profession a builder. Put a load of crap in front of him and he can make something creative with it. If something is broken 90% of the time he'll be able to open it up, see how everything works and fix it.
Rielle seems to have picked up this talent.
I'm unfortunately (for me) going to have to end this post here because I love my daughter and I'm damn proud of her and I could honestly talk about her all day. BUT I can't. Simply because I actually have to take care of her, I can't sit here all day talking about her. I have a responsibility to her and like I said earlier, I won't let her down and I'll always be there for her.
There isn't anything I wouldn't sacrifice for her, just to see her smile.
Saturday, 10 September 2011
Spiders are scary little ninja bastards!
I'm fighting a war. A war against spiders. Every night before bed, I check my sheets for them, shoe in hand, ready to brutally end their lives with way more force than necessary. Sometimes I find one and even if I kill it, I still can't go to sleep because it confirmed my fear that sometimes there are spiders waiting in my bed for me.
I used to pretend that I wasn't afraid of spiders. It made me feel cool - like I was braver than most people.
If someone called me on my bluff and asked me to dispose of a spider, I would put on my battle-face and do my best to get rid of it without letting the panic bubble to the surface.
I don't pretend any more.
I HATE spiders. Spiders are like little pieces of death wrapped in scary. Even if a spider was like
I'd be all
Sometimes when I express the hatred and fear I feel when I think of spiders, someone will be like "But spiders have families too!!" Like somehow that will make me become sympathetic and understanding toward spiders. But that's exactly the point. Spiders have families and their families are also spiders. We should kill spiders because they have families.
When I was younger, my sister would say "Sweetie, don't be afraid. You are way bigger than a spider." Well guess what, Lillian? I'm bigger than a grenade too. Were you trying to raise me to be some sort of unconquerable war-machine that isn't even afraid of grenades?
If you were trying to do that, you failed. I'm afraid of a lot of things that are smaller than me - like bees and wolverines and centipedes. I'm even kind of afraid of ants a little bit.
Spiders are fucking scary. That is a universal truth. I don't know why. I don't need to know why. All I know is that when this:
comes crawling across the floor at me, my brain interprets it like this:
That is a spider with a swastika and the words "I KILL YOU" carved into its flesh and it has knives and guns strapped to its legs. That's how scary spiders are.
P.S. I just saw a spider on my stairs and I tried to squish it but I missed and now I can't find it.
UPDATE: Remember how I was like "P.S. There was a spider on my stairs and I tried to squish it, but no"?
IT WAS ON ME. At least I think it was the same spider. Maybe it was just a part of the other spider's clone army. I don't know.
The point is that I was like "happyhappyunaware" and then I looked down and there was a big, black spider crawling on the couch next to me and I ran away yelling "getitgetitgetit!!!" because I'm super brave.
Then my husband was like "I know what would be a good idea! I should try to stab the spider with a knife!" (because he's a clever bastard... Not) and he took a dagger out of it's display case and tried to stab the spider and he missed and the spider ran away and now there's a fucking spider in my couch.
UPDATE: Okay, this spider is a survivor. First, it escaped being crushed by me on the stairs.
Then it got away when husband was trying to stab it with a dagger and it ran behind the couch. Tip: don't try to stab spiders - squish instead:
The husband and I tore the room up looking for it and we couldn't find it. Then, I looked up above me and there it was. On the ceiling. In a completely unreachable spot. Little ninja type bastard!
UPDATE: Now it has a friend.
UPDATE: husband just killed the spider's friend using a box of biscuits O_o
The original spider is still too high to reach.
UPDATE: The spider has been slain. It was an epic battle. First, I made a spider-free island in the middle of the living room where I could watch the action while still being reasonably sure that I would not become part of it.
Then my husband made a long, poke-y weapon and he climbed up behind the couch and went in for the kill.
The spider did not die easily and its death will probably be avenged in some fashion by its clone army, but for now it is gone.
I used to pretend that I wasn't afraid of spiders. It made me feel cool - like I was braver than most people.
If someone called me on my bluff and asked me to dispose of a spider, I would put on my battle-face and do my best to get rid of it without letting the panic bubble to the surface.
I don't pretend any more.
I HATE spiders. Spiders are like little pieces of death wrapped in scary. Even if a spider was like
I'd be all
Sometimes when I express the hatred and fear I feel when I think of spiders, someone will be like "But spiders have families too!!" Like somehow that will make me become sympathetic and understanding toward spiders. But that's exactly the point. Spiders have families and their families are also spiders. We should kill spiders because they have families.
When I was younger, my sister would say "Sweetie, don't be afraid. You are way bigger than a spider." Well guess what, Lillian? I'm bigger than a grenade too. Were you trying to raise me to be some sort of unconquerable war-machine that isn't even afraid of grenades?
If you were trying to do that, you failed. I'm afraid of a lot of things that are smaller than me - like bees and wolverines and centipedes. I'm even kind of afraid of ants a little bit.
Spiders are fucking scary. That is a universal truth. I don't know why. I don't need to know why. All I know is that when this:
comes crawling across the floor at me, my brain interprets it like this:
That is a spider with a swastika and the words "I KILL YOU" carved into its flesh and it has knives and guns strapped to its legs. That's how scary spiders are.
P.S. I just saw a spider on my stairs and I tried to squish it but I missed and now I can't find it.
UPDATE: Remember how I was like "P.S. There was a spider on my stairs and I tried to squish it, but no"?
IT WAS ON ME. At least I think it was the same spider. Maybe it was just a part of the other spider's clone army. I don't know.
The point is that I was like "happyhappyunaware" and then I looked down and there was a big, black spider crawling on the couch next to me and I ran away yelling "getitgetitgetit!!!" because I'm super brave.
Then my husband was like "I know what would be a good idea! I should try to stab the spider with a knife!" (because he's a clever bastard... Not) and he took a dagger out of it's display case and tried to stab the spider and he missed and the spider ran away and now there's a fucking spider in my couch.
UPDATE: Okay, this spider is a survivor. First, it escaped being crushed by me on the stairs.
Then it got away when husband was trying to stab it with a dagger and it ran behind the couch. Tip: don't try to stab spiders - squish instead:
The husband and I tore the room up looking for it and we couldn't find it. Then, I looked up above me and there it was. On the ceiling. In a completely unreachable spot. Little ninja type bastard!
UPDATE: Now it has a friend.
UPDATE: husband just killed the spider's friend using a box of biscuits O_o
The original spider is still too high to reach.
UPDATE: The spider has been slain. It was an epic battle. First, I made a spider-free island in the middle of the living room where I could watch the action while still being reasonably sure that I would not become part of it.
Then my husband made a long, poke-y weapon and he climbed up behind the couch and went in for the kill.
The spider did not die easily and its death will probably be avenged in some fashion by its clone army, but for now it is gone.
Sunday, 4 September 2011
5 greatest movie sequels (in my opinon)
Yes, sequels. Normally the one thing that makes movie fans cringe to know that there's another of those films on the way. (Normally slasher/scholck horror crappy teen flicks)
But every now and then a movie sequel comes along and totally blows away your expectations and even surpasses the brilliance of the original.
Here are my top 5 favourite sequels (Though they're probably at the top of every greatest sequels list)
5. The Dark Knight
Why's it so good?
Christopher Nolan's special genius lies in building his comic book films around a theme and making them stronger for that.
The theme of Batman Begins was a city's response to fear (good drinking game: count the uses of that word/variations on it during Begins).
This time, it's about the fine balance in our lives between control and chaos. Oh, and Heath Ledger's Joker perfect balances Bale's fiercely controlled Dark Knight.
How does it stack up to the original?
The action scenes are better, everyone's settled into their roles in an established world, and Ledger blows every comic book performance ever off the screen.
There's a reason this enjoyed such phenomenal financial and critical success: it's made by a team of experts at the top of their game.
4. Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior
Why's it so good?
This sequel has become one of the classic dystopian films of all time, taking the world from the first film and making it much more wild and provocative environment. With sweet car chases and timeless costuming and villains, this film has garnered a major cult following and deservingly so, it’s an adrenaline-filled cinema experience.
How does it stack up to the original?
Mad Max was a great movie, though cheaply made and with some quite hokey dialogue. But it's vision of a post apocalyptic Australia on the total brink of collapse was brilliantly executed.
The sequel brought total anarchy to a world already gone mad and upped the ante on every scale and Mel Gibson played his role as Max excellently, the lone wanderer trying to just survive any way possible.
3. Toy Story 2
Why's it so good?
Pixar's first sequel displays all the artistry and attention to storytelling that you'd expect from the studio, and bodes well for the upcoming Cars 2 and Monsters Inc. 2.
The new characters - particularly Jessie - fit in beautifully with the established crew, there's that hilarious cinephile space-set opening, the themes are deepened and developed, and that Sarah McLachlan song will slay you every time.
How does it stack up to the original?
This is one of those films that provokes debate: is it as good as the original or actually better? Frankly, why bother trying to choose?
They're both sublime pieces of film-making, both in terms of animation, character, voice work and scripting. Certainly the technology has taken another step forward for this one, but it's polishing an already-brilliant stone.
2. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Why's it so good?
The action, the pace, Sarah Connor's biceps, the clever early switcheroo where you think Arnie's the bad guy and Robert Patrick is the good guy - only you're wrong - and the further considerations of what time travel means for the present are all effective.
But it's the effects and the set pieces that really blew my socks off - and they continue to stand up even today.
How does it stack up to the original?
The first one (My personal fave of the Terminator franchise, though there is no denying the brilliance of T2), as strange as it seems, was more horror movie than action movie, a sort of slasher film with sci-fi trimmings.
The second sees Cameron pull the same trick he did with Aliens, switching genre, upping the ante and producing something entirely different (the bad guy's now the good guy!) while still feeling like part of the same franchise.
1. Aliens
Why's it so good?
Cameron's genius here lies in manipulating the tension, beautifully structuring the switches from build-up, to carnage, to unbearable waiting, to action.
The Colonial Marines who accompany an understandably reluctant Ellen Ripley are each fleshed out as individuals, and the plot brilliantly conceived to showcase every character and then kill most of them off horribly.
Why does it beat Terminator 2? Because T2 doesn't have a single acid-veined Xenomorph in it. That's why!
How does it stack up to the original?
Entirely changing genre, from haunted-house-in-space to balls-to-the-wall action, proved the masterstroke here.
This is a defiantly different film, one that's as good as (or arguably, better than) Ridley Scott's original, but not directly comparable because it remains true to the spirit of its predecessor without ever threatening to retread its steps.
Sunday, 21 August 2011
Nemesis
Now don't panic. But somewhere, deep in the galaxy, a huge demolition ball of gas and dust is racing straight towards us.
It's so dark you can't see it, but it's there all the same. What's worse: when it visits our solar system, it will create havoc and destruction on Earth.
'Nemesis', is the ominous name scientists came up with when they began speculating about the sinister space body in 1984.
They couldn't have picked a better name: if Nemesis really exists, it should be one of the worst enemies of life on earth. Our solar system is what Nemesis calls `home'.
And the bad part is: home is where Nemesis is heading.
What is Nemesis? It's nothing less than our Sun's twin brother. Yes, that's right: a second Sun! In the cosmos, many stars come in pairs. And according to the Nemesis theory, our `star' -- the Sun -- is no exception.
But wait -- why then do we see only one Sun? Well, for one thing, Nemesis is REALLY far away at the moment. Nemesis orbits the Sun in a huge ellipse, with its furthest point a distance of three light years away.
But once every 25 to 30 million years, Nemesis closes in on the Sun. It slams into the outer regions of our solar system: a place called the Oort Cloud, at a distance of about half a light year away from the Sun.
And that would mean trouble for us tiny earthlings.
The gravitational pull of Sun #2 would cause mayhem in the belt of cosmic debris that makes up the Oort Cloud. Comets and meteorites would fling off in all directions, at unimaginable speeds. For many thousands of years, our solar system -- including Earth -- will be bombarded with comets.
And we all know what happens to terrestrial life when someone starts gunning our planet with colossal pieces of space rock.
Well, if Nemesis really is a star, we'll surely see it coming, right?
Wrong. In fact, the Sun we're talking about here doesn't shine at all. Nemesis is what is known as a brown dwarf, a dark ball of matter that has never `lit up' to become a Sun.
But don't underestimate it: Nemesis is still as big as several Jupiters, enough to dwarf the Earth many, many times (Jupiter is 11 times the diameter of the Earth, and 1,300 times its volume. This is like comparing a basketball to a ping pong ball. Jupiter's Big Red Spot, remember that? You would be able to fit 2 whole Earths inside that, that is how big Jupiter is and Nemesis dwarfs Jupiter, the biggest planet in our solar system... Scary huh?)
Back on topic though, interestingly, the Nemesis theory wasn't proposed by astronomers -- but by palaeontologists studying our planet's prehistoric past.
Oh yes, we all know the dinosaurs were smoked by a huge piece of space debris the size of San Francisco slamming into our planet some 65 million years ago.
But there's more. Around 35 million years ago, another meteoric bombardment hit our planet. Not to mention the cataclysmic, yet unexplained events that led to the extinction of almost all life on Earth 251 million years ago.
In fact, the path of evolution is littered with mass extinctions.
In 1984 it suddenly dawned on two University of Chicago palaeontologists, David Raup and John Sepkoski, that these extinctions actually show a certain pattern.
Raup and Sepkoski had put together a detailed list of sea life that had become extinct during the past 250 million years, containing more than 3,500 different species.
And there it was: according to the lists, our planet faces a period of death and destruction every 26 to 30 million years.
In the years that followed, scientists from all over the world speculated on the cause of this bizarre extinction pattern.
Did the gravitational pull of huge planets like Jupiter and Saturn have something to do with it? Or was there a mysterious 'Planet X' somewhere out there, orbiting our solar system and paying us a visit every 26 to 30 million years?
Then, in the mother of all science magazines Nature, two groups of researchers independently of each other came up with the twin Sun-idea. It was 1984, and the Nemesis hypothesis was born.
Although a lot of astronomers at first thought the Nemesis idea was a joke, the hypothesis also attracted the attention of a considerable number of respected scholars.
One group of researchers, led by the Louisiana-based astrophysicist Daniel Whitmore, even claimed Nemesis might be a black hole, a super-dense dead sun that eats all matter and light it encounters.
Meanwhile, Walter Alvarez -- the guy who came up with the dinosaur extinction theory -- studied a number of impact craters on earth.
His conclusion: indeed, once every 26 to 30 million years, something starts throwing an awful lot of rocks at our planet. Other researchers -- among whom the `inventor' of Nemesis Muller himself -- studied the age of impact craters on the moon, and reached similar conclusions.
So, is Nemesis for real? In spite of all the evidence, most astronomers don't think so.
For one thing, Nemesis has never been spotted. Okay, it's dark and relatively small. But still, we should have noticed something, studying the motion of the Sun.
If something really orbits the Sun, it tugs a little at the Sun, no matter how far away it is. And no one has ever noticed any unexplained wobbling of the star we call Sun.
Besides, the `extinction periods' themselves are heavily disputed.
The fossil record dates back about four billion years and is scattered with mass extinctions. On the whole, there's just no real time pattern there.
Still, in the beginning of 2000 the Nemesis theory quite unexpectedly gained some new ground, when a team of distinguished US astronomers of Berkeley and Princeton calculated that Nemesis, if it exists, indeed should be a brown dwarf.
Meanwhile, John Matese of the University of Louisiana studied the orbits of 82 comets in the Oort Cloud. According to Matese, their orbits had some elements in common that could only be explained if the comets had been influenced by the gravitational pull of an object several times the size of Jupiter.
So don't write off Nemesis yet.
The case on the Sun's evil brother still isn't closed. Luckily, we have plenty of time to learn more about it.
The Death Star is due to arrive a royal thirteen million years from now.
It's so dark you can't see it, but it's there all the same. What's worse: when it visits our solar system, it will create havoc and destruction on Earth.
'Nemesis', is the ominous name scientists came up with when they began speculating about the sinister space body in 1984.
They couldn't have picked a better name: if Nemesis really exists, it should be one of the worst enemies of life on earth. Our solar system is what Nemesis calls `home'.
And the bad part is: home is where Nemesis is heading.
What is Nemesis? It's nothing less than our Sun's twin brother. Yes, that's right: a second Sun! In the cosmos, many stars come in pairs. And according to the Nemesis theory, our `star' -- the Sun -- is no exception.
But wait -- why then do we see only one Sun? Well, for one thing, Nemesis is REALLY far away at the moment. Nemesis orbits the Sun in a huge ellipse, with its furthest point a distance of three light years away.
But once every 25 to 30 million years, Nemesis closes in on the Sun. It slams into the outer regions of our solar system: a place called the Oort Cloud, at a distance of about half a light year away from the Sun.
And that would mean trouble for us tiny earthlings.
The gravitational pull of Sun #2 would cause mayhem in the belt of cosmic debris that makes up the Oort Cloud. Comets and meteorites would fling off in all directions, at unimaginable speeds. For many thousands of years, our solar system -- including Earth -- will be bombarded with comets.
And we all know what happens to terrestrial life when someone starts gunning our planet with colossal pieces of space rock.
Well, if Nemesis really is a star, we'll surely see it coming, right?
Wrong. In fact, the Sun we're talking about here doesn't shine at all. Nemesis is what is known as a brown dwarf, a dark ball of matter that has never `lit up' to become a Sun.
But don't underestimate it: Nemesis is still as big as several Jupiters, enough to dwarf the Earth many, many times (Jupiter is 11 times the diameter of the Earth, and 1,300 times its volume. This is like comparing a basketball to a ping pong ball. Jupiter's Big Red Spot, remember that? You would be able to fit 2 whole Earths inside that, that is how big Jupiter is and Nemesis dwarfs Jupiter, the biggest planet in our solar system... Scary huh?)
Back on topic though, interestingly, the Nemesis theory wasn't proposed by astronomers -- but by palaeontologists studying our planet's prehistoric past.
Oh yes, we all know the dinosaurs were smoked by a huge piece of space debris the size of San Francisco slamming into our planet some 65 million years ago.
But there's more. Around 35 million years ago, another meteoric bombardment hit our planet. Not to mention the cataclysmic, yet unexplained events that led to the extinction of almost all life on Earth 251 million years ago.
In fact, the path of evolution is littered with mass extinctions.
In 1984 it suddenly dawned on two University of Chicago palaeontologists, David Raup and John Sepkoski, that these extinctions actually show a certain pattern.
Raup and Sepkoski had put together a detailed list of sea life that had become extinct during the past 250 million years, containing more than 3,500 different species.
And there it was: according to the lists, our planet faces a period of death and destruction every 26 to 30 million years.
In the years that followed, scientists from all over the world speculated on the cause of this bizarre extinction pattern.
Did the gravitational pull of huge planets like Jupiter and Saturn have something to do with it? Or was there a mysterious 'Planet X' somewhere out there, orbiting our solar system and paying us a visit every 26 to 30 million years?
Then, in the mother of all science magazines Nature, two groups of researchers independently of each other came up with the twin Sun-idea. It was 1984, and the Nemesis hypothesis was born.
Although a lot of astronomers at first thought the Nemesis idea was a joke, the hypothesis also attracted the attention of a considerable number of respected scholars.
One group of researchers, led by the Louisiana-based astrophysicist Daniel Whitmore, even claimed Nemesis might be a black hole, a super-dense dead sun that eats all matter and light it encounters.
Meanwhile, Walter Alvarez -- the guy who came up with the dinosaur extinction theory -- studied a number of impact craters on earth.
His conclusion: indeed, once every 26 to 30 million years, something starts throwing an awful lot of rocks at our planet. Other researchers -- among whom the `inventor' of Nemesis Muller himself -- studied the age of impact craters on the moon, and reached similar conclusions.
So, is Nemesis for real? In spite of all the evidence, most astronomers don't think so.
For one thing, Nemesis has never been spotted. Okay, it's dark and relatively small. But still, we should have noticed something, studying the motion of the Sun.
If something really orbits the Sun, it tugs a little at the Sun, no matter how far away it is. And no one has ever noticed any unexplained wobbling of the star we call Sun.
Besides, the `extinction periods' themselves are heavily disputed.
The fossil record dates back about four billion years and is scattered with mass extinctions. On the whole, there's just no real time pattern there.
Still, in the beginning of 2000 the Nemesis theory quite unexpectedly gained some new ground, when a team of distinguished US astronomers of Berkeley and Princeton calculated that Nemesis, if it exists, indeed should be a brown dwarf.
Meanwhile, John Matese of the University of Louisiana studied the orbits of 82 comets in the Oort Cloud. According to Matese, their orbits had some elements in common that could only be explained if the comets had been influenced by the gravitational pull of an object several times the size of Jupiter.
So don't write off Nemesis yet.
The case on the Sun's evil brother still isn't closed. Luckily, we have plenty of time to learn more about it.
The Death Star is due to arrive a royal thirteen million years from now.
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Haha
I actually just heard a motorbike that sounded like a wet beer fart. It was funny. Worrying, but funny.
Sunday, 14 August 2011
Why extra-terrestrial life is a LARGE possibility.
NASA's Kepler probe has found 54 planets in the constellation Cygnus that have a "Goldilocks" relationship to their suns—not too hot, not too cold, but just right to have water and other attributes that support life as we know it on Earth.
With so many possibly Earth-like planets in one small part of space, you naturally have to wonder: Are there alien life forms all over the galaxy?
And, if so, are they coming to help, enslave, exterminate, domesticate, experiment upon and/or shag us? Kepler's find is strong evidence that the answer to question 1 is "yes."
If planets in a position like ours aren't rare, then they must be subject to the Copernican principle. Also known, less appealingly, as the principle of mediocrity, this maxim states that when anyone observes anything, his point of view is going to be ordinary.
Reading this, for example, you are highly unlikely to be in the Marianas Trench or at the top of Everest. No offence, but you're probably in some pretty average place.
This point, that “your location is not special,” as J. Richard Gott, the Princeton astrophysicist, has put it, applies to more than just place.
Think of the averageness of your spot as a metaphor for the rest of the situation. Your eyes are likely to be average eyes, and your mind likely to be neither especially dumb nor especially bright, and so on.
Despite what your hunches tell you about the specialness of your point of view, intuition is very probably wrong. “Of all the places for intelligent observers to be,” Gott said, “there are by definition only a few special places and many non-special places. So you're simply more likely to be in one of the many non-special places.”
The principle of mediocrity appears more profound, and more subtle, than earlier generations thought. (Maybe we should call it Deep Mediocrity.)
Even people who think they understand, who have fortified themselves with Copernican insights against self-deception, can nonetheless be misled by the insidious notion of human specialness.
Take, for example, the search for signs of non-human civilizations. For decades, humanity has been listening for alien transmissions, and sending out the occasional shout-out, too.
The Pioneer space probes of the early 1970’s bore gold-coated plaques with drawings and charts, designed by Carl Sagan, he of the “billions and billions of stars,” who was the public face of this search for extraterrestrial intelligence (SETI), and its most influential lobbyist.
The later Voyager probes each carried a gold-coated copper disk that encoded photos, music, people saying hello in 54 languages, and greetings from Jimmy Carter and Kurt Waldheim (then the U.N. Secretary General).
Its aluminium cover contained a schematic for playing the record with the cartridge and stylus packed nearby. In 1997 the Cassini probe to Titan was launched with a digital disk made of diamond.
SETI was a proud product of the Copernican principle. Indeed, it was a leap of Copernican faith: At the time that Sagan and his fellow enthusiasts were lobbying for SETI, it was not known for certain that stars other than the Sun even had planets, much less life, much less intelligent life.
Yet SETI has failed for decades. Exactly nothing has turned up. A likely reason: the project was designed with the idea that the only way to have a life-supporting planet, and to be a life form, and to be intelligent, and to have a civilization, was to be like an Earthling.
One of SETI’s advocates, Frank Drake, said to expect aliens who looked like your neighbours at twilight: “They won't be too much different from us,” he said, predicting that many aliens would “have such an anatomy that if you saw them from a distance of a hundred yards in the twilight you might think they were human.”
So even as the SETI advocates claimed to be loyal to the Copernican principle, at a deeper level, they violated it. They liked to point out that there was nothing special about the earth, and about humanity.
But they would not concede that there is nothing special about our intelligence, our science or our technology. Rather, they assumed that what human beings are, and what we know—our biology, our math, our science, our technology—must be so apt, so special in its relationship to reality, that an alien intelligence could surely grasp it.
The strangeness of that is illustrated by the Voyager message: Humanity packed its information onto a long-playing record, complete with stereo instructions.
1974’s supposedly universal code, made to be readable for billions of years by minds that evolved under other suns, would probably stump a 16-year-old with an iPod, right here on earth.
So the principle of mediocrity suggests that ours is an average planet, with an average history. That means there should be other planets with similar histories out there, including a history of life.
But if we assume that we're uniquely fit, in 2011, to communicate with other life forms, than we violate the Copernican principle in time even as we honour it in space. Isn't it more likely that life on other planets died out long ago, or is just getting going, or isn't recognizable to us at all? To hope for any other outcome is to hope for a most un-Copernican coincidence.
With so many possibly Earth-like planets in one small part of space, you naturally have to wonder: Are there alien life forms all over the galaxy?
And, if so, are they coming to help, enslave, exterminate, domesticate, experiment upon and/or shag us? Kepler's find is strong evidence that the answer to question 1 is "yes."
If planets in a position like ours aren't rare, then they must be subject to the Copernican principle. Also known, less appealingly, as the principle of mediocrity, this maxim states that when anyone observes anything, his point of view is going to be ordinary.
Reading this, for example, you are highly unlikely to be in the Marianas Trench or at the top of Everest. No offence, but you're probably in some pretty average place.
This point, that “your location is not special,” as J. Richard Gott, the Princeton astrophysicist, has put it, applies to more than just place.
Think of the averageness of your spot as a metaphor for the rest of the situation. Your eyes are likely to be average eyes, and your mind likely to be neither especially dumb nor especially bright, and so on.
Despite what your hunches tell you about the specialness of your point of view, intuition is very probably wrong. “Of all the places for intelligent observers to be,” Gott said, “there are by definition only a few special places and many non-special places. So you're simply more likely to be in one of the many non-special places.”
The principle of mediocrity appears more profound, and more subtle, than earlier generations thought. (Maybe we should call it Deep Mediocrity.)
Even people who think they understand, who have fortified themselves with Copernican insights against self-deception, can nonetheless be misled by the insidious notion of human specialness.
Take, for example, the search for signs of non-human civilizations. For decades, humanity has been listening for alien transmissions, and sending out the occasional shout-out, too.
The Pioneer space probes of the early 1970’s bore gold-coated plaques with drawings and charts, designed by Carl Sagan, he of the “billions and billions of stars,” who was the public face of this search for extraterrestrial intelligence (SETI), and its most influential lobbyist.
The later Voyager probes each carried a gold-coated copper disk that encoded photos, music, people saying hello in 54 languages, and greetings from Jimmy Carter and Kurt Waldheim (then the U.N. Secretary General).
Its aluminium cover contained a schematic for playing the record with the cartridge and stylus packed nearby. In 1997 the Cassini probe to Titan was launched with a digital disk made of diamond.
SETI was a proud product of the Copernican principle. Indeed, it was a leap of Copernican faith: At the time that Sagan and his fellow enthusiasts were lobbying for SETI, it was not known for certain that stars other than the Sun even had planets, much less life, much less intelligent life.
Yet SETI has failed for decades. Exactly nothing has turned up. A likely reason: the project was designed with the idea that the only way to have a life-supporting planet, and to be a life form, and to be intelligent, and to have a civilization, was to be like an Earthling.
One of SETI’s advocates, Frank Drake, said to expect aliens who looked like your neighbours at twilight: “They won't be too much different from us,” he said, predicting that many aliens would “have such an anatomy that if you saw them from a distance of a hundred yards in the twilight you might think they were human.”
So even as the SETI advocates claimed to be loyal to the Copernican principle, at a deeper level, they violated it. They liked to point out that there was nothing special about the earth, and about humanity.
But they would not concede that there is nothing special about our intelligence, our science or our technology. Rather, they assumed that what human beings are, and what we know—our biology, our math, our science, our technology—must be so apt, so special in its relationship to reality, that an alien intelligence could surely grasp it.
The strangeness of that is illustrated by the Voyager message: Humanity packed its information onto a long-playing record, complete with stereo instructions.
1974’s supposedly universal code, made to be readable for billions of years by minds that evolved under other suns, would probably stump a 16-year-old with an iPod, right here on earth.
So the principle of mediocrity suggests that ours is an average planet, with an average history. That means there should be other planets with similar histories out there, including a history of life.
But if we assume that we're uniquely fit, in 2011, to communicate with other life forms, than we violate the Copernican principle in time even as we honour it in space. Isn't it more likely that life on other planets died out long ago, or is just getting going, or isn't recognizable to us at all? To hope for any other outcome is to hope for a most un-Copernican coincidence.
Sunday, 7 August 2011
Religion is bullshit.
Another guest post by my good friend Serra Beaumont. I was supposed to be working on a big post and it kind of fell apart, so now I can' be bothered and shall be resuming my normal bullshit next week.
So now I'll leave you in the capable hands of Serra.
Religion is bullshit.
There, I said it.
If you believe in an afterlife or an intelligent being who's actively interested in human affairs, you're not only (likely) remarkably wrong, but I simply don't think you've done enough thinking on the matter.
Religious people can respond to rational criticism in one of 3 ways: by asserting that their religion is true, by asserting that religion has utility outside of its truth (it's useful to society) or by asserting that being irreligious is associated with moral depravity and other undesirable outcomes.
This last claim is the most easily refuted by simply looking at the world. The most atheistic countries on Earth (such as Norway) rank higher than more religious ones in nearly every measure of human well-being, from literacy and employment rates to life expectancy and GDP per capita. Even among US states, the most religious tend to have higher rates of crime and lower literacy and education rates.
Correlation doesn't imply causation, but these facts make it clear that societies aren't crumbling because their citizens are becoming too rational.
Why Be Such A Bitch About It? What did religion ever do to you?
There are really only two things wrong with religion: it isn't true, and it's evil.
The fact that it isn't true doesn't offend me that much: people believe in dumb bullshit all of the time without a good reason.
Even still, it's disheartening to meet otherwise well-educated, respectable people who actually believe in 40-day worldwide floods, human resurrection, and talking snakes.
Now, people have the right to believe whatever the hell they want to believe. I'm not against that: it's a basic human right.
What I'm against is people's personal, bullshit metaphysics influencing the real world. See, I think that religiously oppressed homosexuals, victims of terrorism (including 9/11), millions in Africa dying of AIDS, millions more who will die from illnesses treatable with stem cells, and every brainwashed child deserves an apology.
H.L. Mencken said, “We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”
Religious people shouldn't get tax-exempt organisations, appallingly free reign to molest children, and disproportionate government representation.
Their ideas also shouldn't be beyond criticism. Nothing should. More on all of this some other time.
For now, let's just say that humanity is right to value truth and we're right to criticise bad ideas. If someone states that they think Elvis is still alive, they're laughed out of a room, but if that same person draws a cartoon depicting a 1400 year-old prophet, most first world countries find it acceptable that he receives a litany of death threats.
Are we really, as a society, OK with this? You wouldn't make it 10 seconds in politics (or anywhere but an asylum) saying that you believed in Thor and convened with him regularly, but if you don't say the same thing about a less-creatively named god, you are immediately precluded from standing any chance whatsoever of holding any political office in most of North America (which we all know is one of the most religious countries in the world).
Clearly, something has gotta give.
God Isn't Real
The arguments (and anger) presented above only really matter if gods don't exist. If there is indeed a supernatural being, then maybe these religious people have it right and I'm just the worlds most misguided arsehole. Wait though... which religious people?
As Bertrand Russel said, even if the sky opened up right now and a voice boomed simultaneously into every human mind saying “I am the one true deity!” followed by a bitching light-show, every theist should STILL expect to be wrong, simply on probability.
See, there are a lot of religions out there. And, as much as multicultural, tolerant society would have you believe, they're not mutually compatible.
See, either God is real or he isn't. Either Jesus was his son, or he wasn't. Either Mohammed was the true prophet or he wasn't.
There is simply no possible way for everyone to be right. Miracles and creation stories lose a lot of panache when you realise that they're ten to the dozen and are available from literally thousands of retailers.
Prove It!
Also, it isn't my duty to prove that God doesn't exist. Proving a negative is nearly impossible, and there is a world of difference between claiming that “there's a poorly-defined creator of the big bang” and claiming that “God exists, he made the Earth 6000 years ago, he wrote a book, he had a son, he doesn't like gays, he runs the afterlife, and he's coming back any day now to judge us all.”
Most of these other claims (and many many other ones that certain religious people will offer) CAN be disproved.
We know that the Earth is billions of years old through a huge battery of independently-verifiable testing methods.
We have no reason to believe in an afterlife because such a belief would force us to revise EVERYTHING we know about biology, chemistry, and physics.
We'd need to throw out the books on countless theories that have provided us with testable, repeatable, and useful models that describe the natural world to a startling degree of precision.
Think about it like this: name me any phenomenon in the whole fucking universe that has ever been fully understood. Guess what? It works without any supernatural hand-waving. And just because we don't have the answer to every question doesn't mean that god wins by default.
Right now, god is simply a receding sphere of scientific ignorance. Before people understood micro-organisms, they thought that illness was caused by spirits.
Before people understood the cosmos, they thought that the Earth was the flat centre of the universe. Right now, people don't understand the origin of the first self-replicating molecule, so they think that god did that.
See the problem? A real explanation is out there, and we're not going to get any closer by sitting back and saying “praise the lord.” God has NEVER been the answer to any rational question we've ever asked. Why do we think that the current crop of mysteries are any different?
Unfortunately, whenever you bring up science in a discussion with religious people, they say that “God works in mysterious ways” and that he can't be measured.
Let me get this straight: God exists, but he doesn't do anything that can be measured. Does he or does he not heal people? That can be measured. It seems that god's kind of an arsehole to amputees though, and only chooses to heal afflictions that can also undergo spontaneous remission without him.
He never seems to perform miracles that break the existing laws of physics or probability. If you believe in god, you need to answer this question: what's the difference between the universe we live in, and a hypothetical universe where there is no god? If there is a difference, then it must be measurable. If there isn't a difference, then why do you believe in god?
Reject Religion
Question your beliefs. To pick on Christianity (again), here is what you need to reject to think that it is bullshit.
You don't need to disprove the existence of souls. You don't need to be able to answer every corner-case question in quantum physics. You need to reject the literal truth of the Bible, a 2000 year-old text written in the pre-scientific Roman empire by non-contemporaneous authors, edited and interpolated over the centuries by countless flawed humans and filled with miracles either so unbelievable that they are humorous or so uninteresting and trite that they couldn't fill an hour on TLC.
If this is offensive, it's because I'm offended.
If you are reading this post, it is literally impossible for you to have ever even met someone with as ignorant a world-view as the founding figures of major modern religions.
If we want to build a global culture free of needless violence, oppression, molestation, misogyny, homophobia, genocide, and suffering, then we need to start thinking rationally, we need to start criticising bad ideas,and we need to close the curtains on religion forever.
As Sam Harris notes, it can be done quickly and easily. Look at how fast attitudes have changed about racism, homosexuality, and women's rights in the past 50 years.
All we need to do is start asking questions and not letting faith scam a free ride on the logic train. I think that humanity is better than this. I know that we can overcome this embarrassingly persistent mental affliction.
The universe is much more marvellous when seen for what it really is. So open your eyes.
So now I'll leave you in the capable hands of Serra.
Religion is bullshit.
There, I said it.
If you believe in an afterlife or an intelligent being who's actively interested in human affairs, you're not only (likely) remarkably wrong, but I simply don't think you've done enough thinking on the matter.
Religious people can respond to rational criticism in one of 3 ways: by asserting that their religion is true, by asserting that religion has utility outside of its truth (it's useful to society) or by asserting that being irreligious is associated with moral depravity and other undesirable outcomes.
This last claim is the most easily refuted by simply looking at the world. The most atheistic countries on Earth (such as Norway) rank higher than more religious ones in nearly every measure of human well-being, from literacy and employment rates to life expectancy and GDP per capita. Even among US states, the most religious tend to have higher rates of crime and lower literacy and education rates.
Correlation doesn't imply causation, but these facts make it clear that societies aren't crumbling because their citizens are becoming too rational.
Why Be Such A Bitch About It? What did religion ever do to you?
There are really only two things wrong with religion: it isn't true, and it's evil.
The fact that it isn't true doesn't offend me that much: people believe in dumb bullshit all of the time without a good reason.
Even still, it's disheartening to meet otherwise well-educated, respectable people who actually believe in 40-day worldwide floods, human resurrection, and talking snakes.
Now, people have the right to believe whatever the hell they want to believe. I'm not against that: it's a basic human right.
What I'm against is people's personal, bullshit metaphysics influencing the real world. See, I think that religiously oppressed homosexuals, victims of terrorism (including 9/11), millions in Africa dying of AIDS, millions more who will die from illnesses treatable with stem cells, and every brainwashed child deserves an apology.
H.L. Mencken said, “We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”
Religious people shouldn't get tax-exempt organisations, appallingly free reign to molest children, and disproportionate government representation.
Their ideas also shouldn't be beyond criticism. Nothing should. More on all of this some other time.
For now, let's just say that humanity is right to value truth and we're right to criticise bad ideas. If someone states that they think Elvis is still alive, they're laughed out of a room, but if that same person draws a cartoon depicting a 1400 year-old prophet, most first world countries find it acceptable that he receives a litany of death threats.
Are we really, as a society, OK with this? You wouldn't make it 10 seconds in politics (or anywhere but an asylum) saying that you believed in Thor and convened with him regularly, but if you don't say the same thing about a less-creatively named god, you are immediately precluded from standing any chance whatsoever of holding any political office in most of North America (which we all know is one of the most religious countries in the world).
Clearly, something has gotta give.
God Isn't Real
The arguments (and anger) presented above only really matter if gods don't exist. If there is indeed a supernatural being, then maybe these religious people have it right and I'm just the worlds most misguided arsehole. Wait though... which religious people?
As Bertrand Russel said, even if the sky opened up right now and a voice boomed simultaneously into every human mind saying “I am the one true deity!” followed by a bitching light-show, every theist should STILL expect to be wrong, simply on probability.
See, there are a lot of religions out there. And, as much as multicultural, tolerant society would have you believe, they're not mutually compatible.
See, either God is real or he isn't. Either Jesus was his son, or he wasn't. Either Mohammed was the true prophet or he wasn't.
There is simply no possible way for everyone to be right. Miracles and creation stories lose a lot of panache when you realise that they're ten to the dozen and are available from literally thousands of retailers.
Prove It!
Also, it isn't my duty to prove that God doesn't exist. Proving a negative is nearly impossible, and there is a world of difference between claiming that “there's a poorly-defined creator of the big bang” and claiming that “God exists, he made the Earth 6000 years ago, he wrote a book, he had a son, he doesn't like gays, he runs the afterlife, and he's coming back any day now to judge us all.”
Most of these other claims (and many many other ones that certain religious people will offer) CAN be disproved.
We know that the Earth is billions of years old through a huge battery of independently-verifiable testing methods.
We have no reason to believe in an afterlife because such a belief would force us to revise EVERYTHING we know about biology, chemistry, and physics.
We'd need to throw out the books on countless theories that have provided us with testable, repeatable, and useful models that describe the natural world to a startling degree of precision.
Think about it like this: name me any phenomenon in the whole fucking universe that has ever been fully understood. Guess what? It works without any supernatural hand-waving. And just because we don't have the answer to every question doesn't mean that god wins by default.
Right now, god is simply a receding sphere of scientific ignorance. Before people understood micro-organisms, they thought that illness was caused by spirits.
Before people understood the cosmos, they thought that the Earth was the flat centre of the universe. Right now, people don't understand the origin of the first self-replicating molecule, so they think that god did that.
See the problem? A real explanation is out there, and we're not going to get any closer by sitting back and saying “praise the lord.” God has NEVER been the answer to any rational question we've ever asked. Why do we think that the current crop of mysteries are any different?
Unfortunately, whenever you bring up science in a discussion with religious people, they say that “God works in mysterious ways” and that he can't be measured.
Let me get this straight: God exists, but he doesn't do anything that can be measured. Does he or does he not heal people? That can be measured. It seems that god's kind of an arsehole to amputees though, and only chooses to heal afflictions that can also undergo spontaneous remission without him.
He never seems to perform miracles that break the existing laws of physics or probability. If you believe in god, you need to answer this question: what's the difference between the universe we live in, and a hypothetical universe where there is no god? If there is a difference, then it must be measurable. If there isn't a difference, then why do you believe in god?
Reject Religion
Question your beliefs. To pick on Christianity (again), here is what you need to reject to think that it is bullshit.
You don't need to disprove the existence of souls. You don't need to be able to answer every corner-case question in quantum physics. You need to reject the literal truth of the Bible, a 2000 year-old text written in the pre-scientific Roman empire by non-contemporaneous authors, edited and interpolated over the centuries by countless flawed humans and filled with miracles either so unbelievable that they are humorous or so uninteresting and trite that they couldn't fill an hour on TLC.
If this is offensive, it's because I'm offended.
If you are reading this post, it is literally impossible for you to have ever even met someone with as ignorant a world-view as the founding figures of major modern religions.
If we want to build a global culture free of needless violence, oppression, molestation, misogyny, homophobia, genocide, and suffering, then we need to start thinking rationally, we need to start criticising bad ideas,and we need to close the curtains on religion forever.
As Sam Harris notes, it can be done quickly and easily. Look at how fast attitudes have changed about racism, homosexuality, and women's rights in the past 50 years.
All we need to do is start asking questions and not letting faith scam a free ride on the logic train. I think that humanity is better than this. I know that we can overcome this embarrassingly persistent mental affliction.
The universe is much more marvellous when seen for what it really is. So open your eyes.
Sunday, 31 July 2011
The Wiccan Yule ritual.
Yeah, it's too early but why not?
Yule, the winter solstice, is a time of great symbolism and power.
It marks the return of the sun, when they days finally begin to get a little longer. It's also a time to celebrate with family and friends, and share the spirit of giving during the holidays.
This ritual is intended for the Solitary. It is a private worship ritual, and is written so you can apply your own personal Spiritual Path to this.
Though I love the out-doors and hope we could all do this under this special "Full long night moon", location and/or weather may dictate an indoor ritual.
I have made this so it can be done anywhere, by as little as one or one and a special friend or two, with as few extra necessities as possible.
I keep the candles as normal when it comes to rituals, one for each direction.
This would seem to be all you really need, though if you are in a public place, candles may be out of the question also.
You really need none of the trappings, all you need is yourself. All other materials are optional.
But I think the candles are also quite nice outside, protected in a votive holder or a candle box or fairy light, in case there is wind. Of course, if the place you are worshipping in is your own garden, then decorate for the season. Or, if it is indoors, again, go as decorative as you want, or as sparse as you want. What ever makes you feel "Yulish".
I tend to keep this Ritual generic.
Add the names of your God and/or Goddess or the names of the Elements or Directions as applies to your own chosen path.
I like to be as simple as I can so as not to get tied into fancy planning, or extra work instead of concentrating on the Spiritual aspect of the ritual.
Easy wording, simple prayer, and as much left to you as possible, so it will end up being YOUR ritual.
This ritual should be performed right after sunset.
About an hour before, sweep area moving in a deosil (clockwise) manner. Yule symbols such as Poinsettias, Pine Cones, and even a decorated Yule Log nearby (if too big for an altar) adds to the ambiance if you're going a true yule environ.
First, set your circle, walking around the circle three times deosil. Chanting is nice here, maybe one you already know, maybe the one I have written here... It's the one my mother used so I feel obliged to use it, but I do have my own.
Here the circle I do cast
Call the elements to bind it fast
Beyond the boundaries of Time and Space
I/We create here a Sacred Place
Where none but love has entered in
And with Love I/we now begin.
Face the east, light the candle
Ancient One of the East, Spirit of Air, I/We welcome you to my/our circle this night. For Yule, I/we ask you bring your gift of thought, to enlighten us with the wisdom of common sense. Ancient One of the East, be welcome.
Face the south, light the candle
Ancient One of the South, Spirit of Fire, I/We welcome you to my/our circle this night. For Yule, I/we ask you bring your gift of a warm and loving heart, to spread love everywhere I/we go. Ancient One of the South, be welcome.
Face the west, light the candle
Ancient One of the West, Spirit of Water, I/we welcome you to my/our circle this night. For Yule, I/we ask you bring your gift of strength to wash over us that we may always offer a hand to those who need. Ancient One of the West, be welcome.
Face north, light the candle
Ancient One of the North, Spirit of Earth, I/we welcome you to my/our circle this night. For Yule, I/we ask you bring your gift of the joy of life to our circle, so we can appreciate every day we have, and share that joy with all we love. Ancient One of the North, be welcome.
Standing in the centre of the circle at this point, Call upon the God and/or Goddess to join your circle.
I/We welcome the God to my/our circle this Yule; the Ivy King, the Winter King, the Sage. Bless my/our celebration, grace me/us with your presence this night, bless my/our circle.
I/We welcome the Goddess to my/our circle this Yule, the Great Moon Mother Goddess, the Winter Queen, the Crone. Bless my/our celebration, grace me/us with your presence this night, bless my/our circle.
Now the circle is complete.
Yule is special, as it is also a Full Moon, the time when we ask the Lady for something if we have a need. This is the time to ask for what you may need, or something someone near and dear to you may need.
This is a time to meditate upon the meaning of Yule, the Gift of Life, the cycle of life, death and rebirth. Ask if you have a need, request for another if you wish and concentrate on the gift you request and what it is for and what it means to you and to all.
This can be done as a group request, or as a personal request.
The next is a meditation on the God and Goddess. You can do this meditation alone or discuss it with your small gathering.
This is a time to listen in your heart for the words of the Mother. She speaks to those who listen and have open minds and open hearts.
Listen carefully and She will speak to you. So will the God, if you are receptive to Him too. Together they will tell you of Their love for Their children, of Their promise of rebirth.
They will hold your hand and lead you through your many lives. They will be there to hold you when you need comfort, to give you the spark of inspiration when you need to know, and They will wrap you in Their cloak of Love when you feel the world is a cold place.
Think upon Them, find the place inside of you where They are a part of you. They are your Mother and Father, you are their children. They love you, as you love Them.
Now, gather into yourself all the warmth this circle brings to you, all the energy you feel from this is yours to draw upon.
Fill yourself, and when you have taken all the energy you feel you need, it is time to release the rest to the Mother Earth, so She can use it where it will do the most good.
Release it, and ground yourself. Touch the earth, go deep into Her soul, feel her. And smile.
Rest now, and meditate on Her goodness. This is a good time for the cakes and ale, or cookies and juice, or what ever Yule feast you have.
Some fruit and wine, some nuts... just remember to share with those elements you have called here, spill some wine/juice on the earth, and leave some food on the ground for them.
If indoors, place some wine and food on a plate, and take it outside after....
Now is the time to dismiss the powers you have called
Lord and/or Lady, I/we thank you for joining our circle this evening, bringing your love, joy and warmth to us. Stay if you want, go if you must. Please come back again and always be welcome here.
Face north, extinguish the candle
I/We thank you, Ancient One of the North, Spirit of the Earth, for being in my/our circle this evening. I/we thank you for your gifts. Go now, in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way... Hail and Farewell
Face west, extinguish the candle
I/We thank you, Ancient One of the West, Spirit of the Water, for being in my/our circle this evening. I/we thank you for your gifts. Go now, in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way... Hail and Farewell
Face south, extinguish the candle
I/We thank you, Ancient One of the South, Spirit of Fire, for being in my/our circle this evening. I/we thank you for your gifts. Go now, in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way... Hail and Farewell
Face east, extinguish the candle
I/We thank you, Ancient One of the East, Spirit of Air, for being in my/our circle this evening. I/we thank you for your gifts. Go now, in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way.. Hail and Farewell
Walk three times round your circle widdershins (counter-clockwise) releasing the circle. A chant is nice, but I am rather fond of this closing....
The circle is open, but never broken. Merry meet, merry part and merry we meet again.
Now is the time for a good hearty meal for yourself, or if you have some friends or a special friend, or your lover, this is the time for a good feast, and to exchange gifts.
Remember, if you did this alone it is a special time for you too. Did you buy something special for yourself? Now is the time to wear it, or listen to it, or read it, or whatever...
And most of all, when the time comes, have a most Happy Yule! Enjoy the many Blessings of the Season!
Yule, the winter solstice, is a time of great symbolism and power.
It marks the return of the sun, when they days finally begin to get a little longer. It's also a time to celebrate with family and friends, and share the spirit of giving during the holidays.
This ritual is intended for the Solitary. It is a private worship ritual, and is written so you can apply your own personal Spiritual Path to this.
Though I love the out-doors and hope we could all do this under this special "Full long night moon", location and/or weather may dictate an indoor ritual.
I have made this so it can be done anywhere, by as little as one or one and a special friend or two, with as few extra necessities as possible.
I keep the candles as normal when it comes to rituals, one for each direction.
This would seem to be all you really need, though if you are in a public place, candles may be out of the question also.
You really need none of the trappings, all you need is yourself. All other materials are optional.
But I think the candles are also quite nice outside, protected in a votive holder or a candle box or fairy light, in case there is wind. Of course, if the place you are worshipping in is your own garden, then decorate for the season. Or, if it is indoors, again, go as decorative as you want, or as sparse as you want. What ever makes you feel "Yulish".
I tend to keep this Ritual generic.
Add the names of your God and/or Goddess or the names of the Elements or Directions as applies to your own chosen path.
I like to be as simple as I can so as not to get tied into fancy planning, or extra work instead of concentrating on the Spiritual aspect of the ritual.
Easy wording, simple prayer, and as much left to you as possible, so it will end up being YOUR ritual.
This ritual should be performed right after sunset.
About an hour before, sweep area moving in a deosil (clockwise) manner. Yule symbols such as Poinsettias, Pine Cones, and even a decorated Yule Log nearby (if too big for an altar) adds to the ambiance if you're going a true yule environ.
First, set your circle, walking around the circle three times deosil. Chanting is nice here, maybe one you already know, maybe the one I have written here... It's the one my mother used so I feel obliged to use it, but I do have my own.
Here the circle I do cast
Call the elements to bind it fast
Beyond the boundaries of Time and Space
I/We create here a Sacred Place
Where none but love has entered in
And with Love I/we now begin.
Face the east, light the candle
Ancient One of the East, Spirit of Air, I/We welcome you to my/our circle this night. For Yule, I/we ask you bring your gift of thought, to enlighten us with the wisdom of common sense. Ancient One of the East, be welcome.
Face the south, light the candle
Ancient One of the South, Spirit of Fire, I/We welcome you to my/our circle this night. For Yule, I/we ask you bring your gift of a warm and loving heart, to spread love everywhere I/we go. Ancient One of the South, be welcome.
Face the west, light the candle
Ancient One of the West, Spirit of Water, I/we welcome you to my/our circle this night. For Yule, I/we ask you bring your gift of strength to wash over us that we may always offer a hand to those who need. Ancient One of the West, be welcome.
Face north, light the candle
Ancient One of the North, Spirit of Earth, I/we welcome you to my/our circle this night. For Yule, I/we ask you bring your gift of the joy of life to our circle, so we can appreciate every day we have, and share that joy with all we love. Ancient One of the North, be welcome.
Standing in the centre of the circle at this point, Call upon the God and/or Goddess to join your circle.
I/We welcome the God to my/our circle this Yule; the Ivy King, the Winter King, the Sage. Bless my/our celebration, grace me/us with your presence this night, bless my/our circle.
I/We welcome the Goddess to my/our circle this Yule, the Great Moon Mother Goddess, the Winter Queen, the Crone. Bless my/our celebration, grace me/us with your presence this night, bless my/our circle.
Now the circle is complete.
Yule is special, as it is also a Full Moon, the time when we ask the Lady for something if we have a need. This is the time to ask for what you may need, or something someone near and dear to you may need.
This is a time to meditate upon the meaning of Yule, the Gift of Life, the cycle of life, death and rebirth. Ask if you have a need, request for another if you wish and concentrate on the gift you request and what it is for and what it means to you and to all.
This can be done as a group request, or as a personal request.
The next is a meditation on the God and Goddess. You can do this meditation alone or discuss it with your small gathering.
This is a time to listen in your heart for the words of the Mother. She speaks to those who listen and have open minds and open hearts.
Listen carefully and She will speak to you. So will the God, if you are receptive to Him too. Together they will tell you of Their love for Their children, of Their promise of rebirth.
They will hold your hand and lead you through your many lives. They will be there to hold you when you need comfort, to give you the spark of inspiration when you need to know, and They will wrap you in Their cloak of Love when you feel the world is a cold place.
Think upon Them, find the place inside of you where They are a part of you. They are your Mother and Father, you are their children. They love you, as you love Them.
Now, gather into yourself all the warmth this circle brings to you, all the energy you feel from this is yours to draw upon.
Fill yourself, and when you have taken all the energy you feel you need, it is time to release the rest to the Mother Earth, so She can use it where it will do the most good.
Release it, and ground yourself. Touch the earth, go deep into Her soul, feel her. And smile.
Rest now, and meditate on Her goodness. This is a good time for the cakes and ale, or cookies and juice, or what ever Yule feast you have.
Some fruit and wine, some nuts... just remember to share with those elements you have called here, spill some wine/juice on the earth, and leave some food on the ground for them.
If indoors, place some wine and food on a plate, and take it outside after....
Now is the time to dismiss the powers you have called
Lord and/or Lady, I/we thank you for joining our circle this evening, bringing your love, joy and warmth to us. Stay if you want, go if you must. Please come back again and always be welcome here.
Face north, extinguish the candle
I/We thank you, Ancient One of the North, Spirit of the Earth, for being in my/our circle this evening. I/we thank you for your gifts. Go now, in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way... Hail and Farewell
Face west, extinguish the candle
I/We thank you, Ancient One of the West, Spirit of the Water, for being in my/our circle this evening. I/we thank you for your gifts. Go now, in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way... Hail and Farewell
Face south, extinguish the candle
I/We thank you, Ancient One of the South, Spirit of Fire, for being in my/our circle this evening. I/we thank you for your gifts. Go now, in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way... Hail and Farewell
Face east, extinguish the candle
I/We thank you, Ancient One of the East, Spirit of Air, for being in my/our circle this evening. I/we thank you for your gifts. Go now, in peace, blessing all those you meet on your way.. Hail and Farewell
Walk three times round your circle widdershins (counter-clockwise) releasing the circle. A chant is nice, but I am rather fond of this closing....
The circle is open, but never broken. Merry meet, merry part and merry we meet again.
Now is the time for a good hearty meal for yourself, or if you have some friends or a special friend, or your lover, this is the time for a good feast, and to exchange gifts.
Remember, if you did this alone it is a special time for you too. Did you buy something special for yourself? Now is the time to wear it, or listen to it, or read it, or whatever...
And most of all, when the time comes, have a most Happy Yule! Enjoy the many Blessings of the Season!
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Americans are culturally inferior
Don't flame me for this, I didn't write it. I'm working on a topic of my own for next weeks, and my friend Serra has been considering starting her own blog for a while... This is pretty much like a test run for her. These are her words and this is, for all intents and purposes, her post.
\m/ (>.<) \m/
So, a while back I was having a "discussion" with some total fuckwit about how genomes are deteriorating over time, meaning our once "great" human race is actually de-evolving, mainly due to our reliance on machines. The conversation went on and I eventually got this reply
"Americans are genetically superior to all others
No other country has the same level of variety in its gene pool than America. Variety in the gene pool is important for increasing the odds of survival against genetic defect. Therefore, I assert that as a whole, Americans are genetically superior to all others."
At the time, I just called her a camel shagging transvestite, because I was immeasurably tired and couldn't be bothered. but that really annoyed me with its sheer arrogance, and rather than sinking myself lower and getting riled up about it, I've instead decided to contest that statement... Even though I know it will never get read, So I've done my research and pulled my shit together.
This is a very interesting statement, which clearly comes from a genetically inferior being. First of all, human beings are social beings, not merely biological. When you put them together in groups, a socius and a culture emerge which are separate and powerful entities that are more than just the sum of its parts.
As we all know, both this socius and culture play a far more important role than genes when we're thinking on the scale of entire human populations.
Well, if we take that into account, then America may soon face the same fate as all previous civilisations before it, because in reality it is not a genetically diverse population, but a genetically segregationist society (here, culture and ideology already limit genetic mixing). The And historically speaking, the Roman Empire had a far more diverse population than contemporary America--both in biological and in social terms.
The per capita number of mixed marriages and kids in the US. is not that much higher than in other hybrid populations (like those of Brazil, South Africa, and Europe). So I don't take the statement all too serious.
But I want to elaborate on another point.
It's obvious that in the end culture decides over the strength of a population. America's rise to power was mainly due to a 19th century ideology of Progress, Utilitarianism and Racism. Later on came Imperialism.
These values brought wealth and prosperity to a totally racist society, with whites and blacks absolutely segregated. When Asian immigrants were imported to do dirty work we saw the same. America's multicultural society is a very recent phenomenon, and I'm not really sure if it is an interesting kind of multiculturalism, because it is so superficial.
In fact, I consider the USA to be one of the most culturally homogeneous and least diverse societies on the planet. And this leads all kinds of weaknesses.
Elements of that homogeneous culture and that unitary ideology--which you have to take an oath on to call yourself "American"--directly lead to premature death (Americans rank rather low qua overall health compared to Europeans; their Stress Society produces all kinds of strange phenomena, like massive drug abuse, incredible obesity stats, etc...).
Now, premature death on a social scale is not really a great sign of genetic power. So we see that the cultural sphere directly influences the biological sphere of individuals, when we're thinking on the scale of entire populations.
But the social and cultural sphere of course also create effects within their own spheres (and in the end, these come back to the biological sphere): problems arising from the American ideology may in the long run lead to the total destruction of that "genetically diverse" population.
The reason being is when a "country maintains its 19th century ideology (of imperialism, superiority etc...) in the 21st century, cultural anachronisms grow, which can be lethal (that's a "lesson" we have learned from history).
Take global inequalities: the USA is by far the biggest and most arrogant consumer of all kinds of resources on this planet, per capita.
Since American kids in general are just ordinary kids (socially and culturally a bit less intelligent than other people on the planet, that has been well documented), "then why are they so well off?", many people ask. Well, this global feeling of injustice in turn may lead to anti-Americanism on a planetary scale which may lead to conflict, which may lead to an even bigger "Stress Society", leading to even more premature death ratios etc...
The question is: can America, being a wealthy society (but with enormous internal and external inequalities) technologically keep up with the growth of anti-Americanism? I don't think so. If America chooses to keep its paranoia (cultural weakness) as its basic societal metaphor, history may prove it to be an non-viable project.
\m/ (>.<) \m/
So, a while back I was having a "discussion" with some total fuckwit about how genomes are deteriorating over time, meaning our once "great" human race is actually de-evolving, mainly due to our reliance on machines. The conversation went on and I eventually got this reply
"Americans are genetically superior to all others
No other country has the same level of variety in its gene pool than America. Variety in the gene pool is important for increasing the odds of survival against genetic defect. Therefore, I assert that as a whole, Americans are genetically superior to all others."
At the time, I just called her a camel shagging transvestite, because I was immeasurably tired and couldn't be bothered. but that really annoyed me with its sheer arrogance, and rather than sinking myself lower and getting riled up about it, I've instead decided to contest that statement... Even though I know it will never get read, So I've done my research and pulled my shit together.
This is a very interesting statement, which clearly comes from a genetically inferior being. First of all, human beings are social beings, not merely biological. When you put them together in groups, a socius and a culture emerge which are separate and powerful entities that are more than just the sum of its parts.
As we all know, both this socius and culture play a far more important role than genes when we're thinking on the scale of entire human populations.
Well, if we take that into account, then America may soon face the same fate as all previous civilisations before it, because in reality it is not a genetically diverse population, but a genetically segregationist society (here, culture and ideology already limit genetic mixing). The And historically speaking, the Roman Empire had a far more diverse population than contemporary America--both in biological and in social terms.
The per capita number of mixed marriages and kids in the US. is not that much higher than in other hybrid populations (like those of Brazil, South Africa, and Europe). So I don't take the statement all too serious.
But I want to elaborate on another point.
It's obvious that in the end culture decides over the strength of a population. America's rise to power was mainly due to a 19th century ideology of Progress, Utilitarianism and Racism. Later on came Imperialism.
These values brought wealth and prosperity to a totally racist society, with whites and blacks absolutely segregated. When Asian immigrants were imported to do dirty work we saw the same. America's multicultural society is a very recent phenomenon, and I'm not really sure if it is an interesting kind of multiculturalism, because it is so superficial.
In fact, I consider the USA to be one of the most culturally homogeneous and least diverse societies on the planet. And this leads all kinds of weaknesses.
Elements of that homogeneous culture and that unitary ideology--which you have to take an oath on to call yourself "American"--directly lead to premature death (Americans rank rather low qua overall health compared to Europeans; their Stress Society produces all kinds of strange phenomena, like massive drug abuse, incredible obesity stats, etc...).
Now, premature death on a social scale is not really a great sign of genetic power. So we see that the cultural sphere directly influences the biological sphere of individuals, when we're thinking on the scale of entire populations.
But the social and cultural sphere of course also create effects within their own spheres (and in the end, these come back to the biological sphere): problems arising from the American ideology may in the long run lead to the total destruction of that "genetically diverse" population.
The reason being is when a "country maintains its 19th century ideology (of imperialism, superiority etc...) in the 21st century, cultural anachronisms grow, which can be lethal (that's a "lesson" we have learned from history).
Take global inequalities: the USA is by far the biggest and most arrogant consumer of all kinds of resources on this planet, per capita.
Since American kids in general are just ordinary kids (socially and culturally a bit less intelligent than other people on the planet, that has been well documented), "then why are they so well off?", many people ask. Well, this global feeling of injustice in turn may lead to anti-Americanism on a planetary scale which may lead to conflict, which may lead to an even bigger "Stress Society", leading to even more premature death ratios etc...
The question is: can America, being a wealthy society (but with enormous internal and external inequalities) technologically keep up with the growth of anti-Americanism? I don't think so. If America chooses to keep its paranoia (cultural weakness) as its basic societal metaphor, history may prove it to be an non-viable project.
Sunday, 17 July 2011
100 reasons why I love you.
For you my dear husband
01. For being patient with me.
02. For being the most honest person that I know.
03. For your love.
04. For making me feel comfortable around you.
05. For being true to yourself.
06. For being my early morning buddy.
07. For caring for me when I am sick.
08. For putting up with all my weirdness.
09. For being the sweetest person that I know.
10. For your comforting hugs.
11. For holding my hand.
12. For making me laugh.
13. For being the corniest, yet the funniest person that I know.
14. For being my greatest blessing.
15. For accepting me and everything that I am.
16. For sharing your life with me.
17. For allowing me to share my life with you.
18. For sharing your dreams with me.
19. For holding me when I cry.
20. For letting me pour out everything to you.
21. For listening to me when I need to rant.
22. For listening to me when I just need to talk.
23. For being there for me.
24. For understanding everything that I am.
25. For everything that you are.
26. For cheering me up when I'm all bummed out.
27. For assuring me that everything will be okay.
28. For standing with me in the rain.
29. For gazing at the stars with me.
30. For the adventurous person that you are.
31. For watching TV with me, even when you're already tired and sleepy.
32. For the little things that you do.
33. For never doubting me.
34. For being an angel.
35. For always being true to your words.
36. For the special things you do for me.
37. For treating me well.
38. For the inquisitive person that you are.
39. For being great at turning your feelings into the music which you play.
40. For keeping me warm when I'm cold.
41. Because you make me smile.
42. Because you make me happy.
43. Because you make me feel complete with you.
44. Because you make me want no-one else in the world.
45. Because you make me feel special.
46. Because I can tell you everything.
47. Because you sing to me!
48. Because you dance for me too!
49. Because you're my life's inspiration.
50. Because you make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world.
51. Because you know me better than anybody else.
52. Because you make my life wonderful by being part of it.
53. Because you keep me sane.
54. Because you give me a reason to anticipate waking up every morning.
55. Because you taught me the meaning of unconditional love.
56. Because you never fail to brighten up my day.
57. Because you make me feel good about myself.
58. Because you make me proud of myself.
59. Because you make me proud of being yours.
60. Because you're everything I ever hoped for... And more.
61. Because you add colour to my life.
62. Because you allow me to just be myself.
63. Because you make it so easy to love you.
64. Because you always know exactly what to say.
65. Because you make me laugh when I want to cry.
66. Because you help me understand myself better.
67. Because you take good care of me.
68. Because you make me smile every time my phone beeps.
69. Because even if you say that you're not perfect, to me, you still are.
70. Because you were definitely worth the wait.
71. Because you're the best musician in the whole wide world!
72. Because you make me feel important.
73. Because you make me feel loved.
74. Because you bring out the best in me.
75. Because with you, everything is just perfect.
76. Because you believe in me.
77. Because there's no reason not to.
78. Because you always manage to plaster a silly smile on my face.
79. Because you always listen, even when I'm disappointed and angry.
80. Because you understand my feelings, no matter how selfish or wrong they are.
81. Because you can actually put up with my occasional emotional outbursts.
82. Because you always find time for me, even when you're busy.
83. Because my entire being's telling me that I do.
84. Because even when I'm all moody, you still manage to make me laugh.
85. Because you give great back massages.
86. Because you teach me so many things about life.
87. Because you make me feel contented with myself and my life.
88. Because I'm at my happiest when I'm with you.
89. Because you make me look forward to spending the rest of our lives together.
90. Because you're the father of our gorgeous daughter.
91. Because you see a beauty in me that I fail to see myself.
92. Because you're brilliant!
93. Because You saw me for me, not my bank account.
94. Because no matter how crappy I feel, you always tell me I look beautiful.
95. Because you're intelligent.
96. Because I love playing with your hair.
97. Because we can talk from dusk 'till dawn and the conversation never gets stale.
98. Because you accepted my beliefs without question.
99. Because I see the world differently since I've known you.
100. Because... I JUST DO
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! ^_^
01. For being patient with me.
02. For being the most honest person that I know.
03. For your love.
04. For making me feel comfortable around you.
05. For being true to yourself.
06. For being my early morning buddy.
07. For caring for me when I am sick.
08. For putting up with all my weirdness.
09. For being the sweetest person that I know.
10. For your comforting hugs.
11. For holding my hand.
12. For making me laugh.
13. For being the corniest, yet the funniest person that I know.
14. For being my greatest blessing.
15. For accepting me and everything that I am.
16. For sharing your life with me.
17. For allowing me to share my life with you.
18. For sharing your dreams with me.
19. For holding me when I cry.
20. For letting me pour out everything to you.
21. For listening to me when I need to rant.
22. For listening to me when I just need to talk.
23. For being there for me.
24. For understanding everything that I am.
25. For everything that you are.
26. For cheering me up when I'm all bummed out.
27. For assuring me that everything will be okay.
28. For standing with me in the rain.
29. For gazing at the stars with me.
30. For the adventurous person that you are.
31. For watching TV with me, even when you're already tired and sleepy.
32. For the little things that you do.
33. For never doubting me.
34. For being an angel.
35. For always being true to your words.
36. For the special things you do for me.
37. For treating me well.
38. For the inquisitive person that you are.
39. For being great at turning your feelings into the music which you play.
40. For keeping me warm when I'm cold.
41. Because you make me smile.
42. Because you make me happy.
43. Because you make me feel complete with you.
44. Because you make me want no-one else in the world.
45. Because you make me feel special.
46. Because I can tell you everything.
47. Because you sing to me!
48. Because you dance for me too!
49. Because you're my life's inspiration.
50. Because you make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world.
51. Because you know me better than anybody else.
52. Because you make my life wonderful by being part of it.
53. Because you keep me sane.
54. Because you give me a reason to anticipate waking up every morning.
55. Because you taught me the meaning of unconditional love.
56. Because you never fail to brighten up my day.
57. Because you make me feel good about myself.
58. Because you make me proud of myself.
59. Because you make me proud of being yours.
60. Because you're everything I ever hoped for... And more.
61. Because you add colour to my life.
62. Because you allow me to just be myself.
63. Because you make it so easy to love you.
64. Because you always know exactly what to say.
65. Because you make me laugh when I want to cry.
66. Because you help me understand myself better.
67. Because you take good care of me.
68. Because you make me smile every time my phone beeps.
69. Because even if you say that you're not perfect, to me, you still are.
70. Because you were definitely worth the wait.
71. Because you're the best musician in the whole wide world!
72. Because you make me feel important.
73. Because you make me feel loved.
74. Because you bring out the best in me.
75. Because with you, everything is just perfect.
76. Because you believe in me.
77. Because there's no reason not to.
78. Because you always manage to plaster a silly smile on my face.
79. Because you always listen, even when I'm disappointed and angry.
80. Because you understand my feelings, no matter how selfish or wrong they are.
81. Because you can actually put up with my occasional emotional outbursts.
82. Because you always find time for me, even when you're busy.
83. Because my entire being's telling me that I do.
84. Because even when I'm all moody, you still manage to make me laugh.
85. Because you give great back massages.
86. Because you teach me so many things about life.
87. Because you make me feel contented with myself and my life.
88. Because I'm at my happiest when I'm with you.
89. Because you make me look forward to spending the rest of our lives together.
90. Because you're the father of our gorgeous daughter.
91. Because you see a beauty in me that I fail to see myself.
92. Because you're brilliant!
93. Because You saw me for me, not my bank account.
94. Because no matter how crappy I feel, you always tell me I look beautiful.
95. Because you're intelligent.
96. Because I love playing with your hair.
97. Because we can talk from dusk 'till dawn and the conversation never gets stale.
98. Because you accepted my beliefs without question.
99. Because I see the world differently since I've known you.
100. Because... I JUST DO
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! ^_^
Sunday, 10 July 2011
101 ways to annoy people
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 9999 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your indicator on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car wind shield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training. Set up little checkpoints around the room. Tell your friend/room mate/spouse that the camel spotted him/her in a restricted area and said not to do it again. Ask your friend/room mate/spouse to apologise to the camel.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbours you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal voice.
32. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Listen to Cheryl Cole.
37. Produce a rental video/DVD consisting entirely of dire copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Tell people you can see their aura.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes coloured Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
60. Wear a Santa suit...in June.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other people
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" and ask people what comes next.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Add "Aa" and "Aaaaa" to your forename and surname respectively for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne/perfume.
87. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavour off.
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Then mutter something
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 9999 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your indicator on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car wind shield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training. Set up little checkpoints around the room. Tell your friend/room mate/spouse that the camel spotted him/her in a restricted area and said not to do it again. Ask your friend/room mate/spouse to apologise to the camel.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbours you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal voice.
32. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Listen to Cheryl Cole.
37. Produce a rental video/DVD consisting entirely of dire copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Tell people you can see their aura.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes coloured Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
60. Wear a Santa suit...in June.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other people
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" and ask people what comes next.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Add "Aa" and "Aaaaa" to your forename and surname respectively for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne/perfume.
87. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavour off.
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Then mutter something
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)