Ticking away

In like two and a quater months, I shall be a mother... yeah me, who'd have ever thunk it eh?
Personally, not me.
Yeah I've always wanted a kid, talked about it with my husband, always talking about names and parenting styles etc, you know, the average this and that... but we'd always planned to wait a bit 'till we were more older, more mature and ready for it.
And as much as I am looking forward to it all, holding her little hand and watching her grow up into a lady etc, I'm also quite scared, not of the birth, not of losing her when she's old enough to some man (or woman) who will sweep her off her feet, marry her and take her take her away to live a life of (hopeful) bliss... but of failing her.
I'm afraid of being a bad mother, like the cycle will come back round and hit me in the ass causing me to go on a downward spiral the same way my own mother did.
She wasn't a bad mother by any means, but she left me and my sisters, I know it was to help but she was never there when I needed her the most,to hold me tight when I got scared, to tell me "it'll all be ok" and to be at my wedding... it took me 11 long years until I found a subsitute for the security I desired, and even now, sometimes its still not enough.
I don't want that to be my fate, my daughters fate... our daughters fate, some days I look at myself in the mirror, and what do I see standing before me? a ticking time-bomb of responsibillity just waiting to go off... responsibillity that sometimes I don't think I'll be able to hande.
Then I see him, my husband, my saviour, my knight in shining armour and it doesn't seem to phase him at all, I know he's nervous about it, but it doesn't show through, his methodology behind it is "I'll take it one step at a time. He's truly accepted what will come and he shall be my rock, my guiding light, and he is right, thats all there is to it.
I know I won't be the most perfect mother in the world, but I can try, and the trick is not to plan ahead to the future but to live in the moment, the now as it were.
So while I may not be 100% ready for it, I know that i will be when the time comes, and it will come and nothing can ever change that... and with him there to hold my hand through the trials of parenthood yet to come, I smile, I welcome them because I know that I won't be alone, I'll never be alone, he'll alays be there with me.
And for this, I am truly grateful.